Barry Bonds: Fuck You

Dear Barry Bonds,

I would like to give you my heartfelt congratulations on beating a record. We all know what a legend Hank Aaron is and always will be; you must feel so accomplished to have beaten his career home run record.

You know, some people might say that you cheated. I am not one of those people. I strongly believe that performance-enhancing drugs are just the ticket to getting your name in the Baseball Hall of Fame; I don't see what the big friggin deal is, really. We live in a country of opportunities, and for all the young black men struggling to create a good life for themselves, you are such an incredible role model. I hope that all the kids playing ball around the country look to you as an icon of what a professional sports player should be: drug user, liar, cheater, and all around general jackass.

Not that you didn't have talent before the good ol' roid days—you did. But why stop there? Why be satisfied with good, when you could be legendary?? I totally get it.

Congratulations Barry. You deserve it.




  1. Well said! How anyone could actually applaud that asshat's "achievements" is beyond me. I linked to this post in my blog; I hope you don't mind. Let me know if you do, and I'll take it down.

  2. nope, i don't mind.

    asshat=best word ever.

  3. Brilliant. I haven't followed baseball since 1984, but find this whole Bonds thing ridiculous.

  4. I guess I'm now totally apathetic. I think that both his chase, and his steroid use, is totally over-hyped. I honestly don't care anymore, and I'm a HUGE baseball fan. But Bonds has become the sports equivalent of Lindsay Lohan, and I just.don't.care.

    In a way, I'm GLAD he broke the record. Because now the media will hopefully stop talking about it for a while. Hopefully.

  5. curious hair: it is ridiculous, considering how much money professonal athletes are paid, and how they are idolized, mainly by impressionable kids.

    tk: you know, i understand your point. it is tiring, caring about things that after a while, just don't seem to matter anymore. but there is a part of me that can't stop caring. i think all people have a responsibility over their own lives, for their ENTIRE lives. the media certainly blows things out of proportion, but nothing will ever change the fact that a steroid user beat the record of a true baseball hero. i can't, and will never, feel apathetic about that.

    i'm just too passionate for my own good sometimes.

  6. The title of this alone made me laugh.

    Which shows you how my sense of humor skews.

  7. Normally, I would wouldn't care either, but Hank Aaron's daughter was my Spanish teacher, and he sent us doughnuts from his franchise. He is a really nice guy.

    Plus, considering most of those records were set when dudes were walking coronaries when they weren't drinking and snarfing fatty food on the bases, it seems like needing steroids to do the same thing is kinda...well...punk bitch, really.

    Fuck Barry Bonds indeed.

  8. chez: shock and surprize from the boo corner...

    vermillion: users are lusers. 'cept weed. WOOO!


Spit it, betch!