Recipe for a Peaceful Mind

1 medium to large fire pit (allow leeway for burning bans in drought-striken areas; use grill for backup)

8 medium steaks (no need for the expensive stuff; get what you want and what your pocket can handle)

1 container Butt Rub

4 large russet potatoes

2 6-packs of delicious beer

8 friends/family members

1 cord of applewood
1 bag of charcoal
1 box of mesquite chips
fire

Directions: Combine applewood, charcoal and mesquite chips in fire pit until golden embers. Coat potatoes in sea salt, wrap in foil and place in hot embers. Sprinkle Butt Rub on steaks, wrap individually in foil, and place on grate above embers. Cook 10 minutes for potatoes and 5-8 minutes for steaks, depending on cooking preference (if you are me, give it a killer look and then eat). Cut potatoes lengthwise and each half on a plate. Place one foil-wrapped steak on each plate. Add simple salad as necessary. Enjoy with beer, friends, and family.

Dessert: Have the good sense to have a brother with apple trees in his yard. Choose the 8 nicest looking apples and pick them. Slice in half, hollow out core, wrap in foil and place in dying embers. Allow to cook for 10 minutes or until somewhat soft. Unwrap caramel squares and place in hollowed apple, let cook for another 10 minutes. Roast two marshmellows above the embers while waiting for apples to cook. Remove apples from embers, place marshmellows on top, and enjoy. Commence with guttural sounds of delight. Repeat.

*I advise that, if you are a Chicago Bears fan, to not watch the game until AFTER eating. Then, you really won't care that they were up by 10 with 4 minutes left in the fourth and let the Bucs tie, go into overtime, and let the Bucs take that candy home. Seriously, I promise if you eat first, you won't care. I didn't eat first.

A Brief Word from the Bitch Files

Since the Bears really took it in the ass this year, I kind of stopped caring about football season. But the bullshit that is piling up about the Dallas Cowboys simply must be addressed.

There are several pertinent points here, as follows:

1. Jessica Simpson does not have the ability to wield the kind of power it takes to make an ENTIRE PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL TEAM fail. Anyone who thinks the she does is clearly touched in the head, and probably already fondling her double D's. (I'm looking at YOU, Papa Joe.)

2. Tony Romo has already proven himself an idiot simply by affiliation, so to think that he could bomb a big game on his own is no fucking surprise.

3. Apologies in advance, but it's the Dallas fucking Cowboys. They haven't been good since the days when Kurt Cobain still walked the earth, Michael Jackson wasn't a child molester, and Arnold Schwarzenegger still pretended to act. So yeah.

The people who are blaming Jessica Simpson for the Cowboy's loss (ahem, national media) are, to put it mildly, retarded. (Thanks Texas! I mean, not only did you give us Bush, but remember, Jessica is one of your own.)

Oh, and also, TO, you are a pussy. This is why no one likes you. Not even Cowboys fans, and that IS scraping bottom. (Again, no offense meant, Cowboy fans. But truth is truth.)