Austin, We have an Issue.

I consider myself a normal, healthy woman in her almost-prime. (I'll be 30 on my next.) Now, the way I understand it, most normal healthy women start to hit their sexual peak somewhere in their mid to late 30s.

As of the last couple of months, I have thought of almost nothing but sex. I used to think about it a lot before that, but now I think about it CONSTANTLY. In fact, it is becoming difficult to function because I am being bombarded by blistering blasts of bedlust. I can't concentrate on even the simplest things. I get turned on by the most innocent things. Like taking a turn too fast on the road. Or watching someone--that I'm not even ATTRACTED to--stretch. And things are going downhill rather quickly.

Austin, we have an issue.

This isn't an issue of not getting any. I am getting any. I'm getting GOOD any. And compared to my last relationship, and many before that, I'm getting a lotta good any. So I have to wonder: Is my getting any directly contributing to the Katrina-like flooding I'm currently experiencing in my downtown highrise?

I'm sure the answer is: Yes, a little.

But GOD: I have TEN MORE YEARS of this?????

FUCK.



Oh fuck. I said "fuck".

Now I'm "on" again.

CHRIST.

Hmm. I bet he was good at it.

DAMMIT!

If I were a cartoon, I would have roadrunner running legs.

In the next month I am:

Finishing building a house
Moving into said house
Throwing a party for those who helped build said house
Planning and throwing my company holiday party
Cooking for Thanksgiving at my mom's house (yeah.)
Shipping a monsterously intense book
writing music
starting a band
recording music
donating platelets
going to therapy
flying to Colorado and driving back to NC with a friend
Friend is moving in
trying to get back to some semblance of a sex life with my husband
making Christmas presents

Just in case you're wondering where I may or may not be...

All the World is a Stage

...and the characters of my story make me crazy.

If the following people in my life had a catchphrase, this is what it would be:

My Mom: "Let me tell you how I feel about this..."
My Brother: "You are an idiot." Also interchangeable with "Shut up, idiot."
My Husband: "I don't know."
My Grandma: "I wish you would insert anything with an edge of guilt."
My Sister: "..."
My Boss: "If you wanna do insert great idea here, then you can take it out of YOUR paycheck."