Hi! I'm Boo. I'm a bitch. Have we met?
10. People who chew food with their mouths open. Bonus points if you are extra noisy!!!
9. People who demand my time without contributing any of their own. Like, don't complain about me not calling you, if you never fucking call me either! Dick.
8. People who CHOOSE to be oblivious in public places. Yes, I've been standing behind your grocery cart that is blocking the entire aisle while you argue with someone on your cell phone about which brand of spaghetti is better. Yes, I've made eye contact with you about three times. What? A dirty look? Oh god, strike me down for the fear in my heart. Get out of my way, you douche.
7. People who treat service industry employees as slaves. As a former waitress: fuck you.
6. Politicians. As a general rule.
5. People who allow their young female children to have anything to do with Paris Hilton. As a future retiree: fuck you.
4. And on that note: celebrities that are famous for no exceptional reason. Oh, you're the daughter of the guy that got O.J. acquitted? Well, shove a stick up your ass and call you important. Twatburger.
3. Anyone who thinks "feminist" is a bad word. As a feminist: well, you know.
2. Pro-lifers. Wanting to save a cluster of cells, but supporting capital punishment, is a bit of a fucking conundrum, isn't it, you fucks? And BOMBING clinics that provide medical care to make a political statement about death? I just can't...
And the Number One MOST ANNOYING THING IN THE WORLD!!!!
Interrupters. Hey! Interrupters of the world: fah-q.
Moral of the story: I must hate people.
Amen on... well - all of them actually. Especially numbers 7 and 3. I was a barmaid for years, you really don't want to piss off your barmaid. And as for number 3, my male flatmate rolled his eyes at me and told me "not to start" when I mentioned feminism the other day.
ReplyDeleteYeah, he got a twenty minute lecture for his trouble.
Not just a bitch but a scary bitch. Huzzah for hating people!
You don't hate people, you hate stupid people.
ReplyDeleteThere's an important distinction.
I call this comment Don't Laugh at Boo:
ReplyDelete#10: The guy in the cube next to me. I pray he doesn't like what he eats, because it just gets louder. EVERY DAY.
#8: After laughing so much at this this morning, I got stuck in the store between the shelf and a woman's cart, as she pondered the virtues of President's Choice Chocolate Chip Cookies vs.Chips Ahoy. My fit of coughing and clearing my throat did nothing. My moving her cart to the side did.
#7. How about sales people who think you are their personal assistant waiting for their latest whim.
Actually, forget my list. I agree with pretty much everything.
I agree with all of these, but you forgot one thing. You know when you ask someone a simple, straightforward question and they spend ten solid minutes rambling on about everything in the world EXCEPT the answer to your simple, straightforward question? I hate that. It's the fastest way for someone to make me want to kill them. The only thing that's worse is when they start to answer the question, but they keep getting sidetracked and then starting over, like how a toddler tells a story. Haaaaate.
ReplyDeleteWow, you're mean!
ReplyDeleteChuckblog sure does love you though...welcome to my blogroll!
Maybe mean but everyone can relate to your list.
ReplyDeleteWeird how you being pissed off at said ignoramous' (don't you hate people who 1) can't spell, 2) make up words) and complaining about them can make other people smile.
alex: haaaa. you're a scary bitch. and good for you; no one should be allowed to talk crap about the word "feminist" and not get a lecture. I mean, cause that's all we crazy-ass feminists want, right?? TO BITCH.
ReplyDeleteTK: very important distinction. but I still hate people. even some smart ones.
Birthday Twin: oh, you poor poor thing. it's karma; laugh at a bitchy blog post and you're bound to experience the reality. :)
sarah: OOOHhh, that's a good one. That's is officially my honorary number 11 addition. GOD, I hate that. I want to pull a Major Payne and tell them to "be-dee be-dee spit it out, porkie!!" Note: Major Payne is the best worst movie ever. Don't you judge me!
chuck: I know! And thanks!
arbyn: Yes, it is one of the mysteries of life that I will likely be too lazy to try and unravel. But it is SO TRUE. :)
"Twatburger"...that's just fantastic. I'm totally stealing that. And your list is spot on.
ReplyDeleteUgh, I encountered one of those lane hoggers in the grocery store day. Skinny bitch with her cart jackknifed across the whole aisle whilst she stood and examined the various flavors of Slim Fast.
ReplyDeleteI folded my arms and gave her my shark eyes.
She totally ignored me. Little A almost brandished his throwing stars before she strolled away oblivious.
Virg: Yeah, ok, I'll allow limited use. But nothing overseas, and print products--well, we might have to renegotiate.
ReplyDeleteManda: I want a little ninja! But like, a midget, not a kid (no other kid can compare to Little A; I'm not trying to compete) but an actual little person. Like, someone who gets all my references to stupid 80s stuff.
Yep. All about me.
You rock! Great list.
ReplyDelete