Fox: Taking a Dump on America

Last night, as my husband and I finished off the last couple of alcoholic drinks in the fridge (his was PBR, mine was sake) we watched the dreck that has become our local 10pm news. Well, actually, it was the regional Fox news station, not our local news (which still sucks, but looks like an oasis in the desert comparatively). We could tell that the Fox news hub, by the end of the first story, was little more than a portal for horrible stories, crap video footage, and propoganda.

This little Fox news syndicate, based out of Greenville, SC (we live in the NC mountains), is something. Reeeeeeally something. The anchors look like coked up reality show rejects, yammering their way through the broadcast in the hope that maybe, if they talk fast enough and make it sound very serious, time will go by faster, thereby allowing them to rush to the bar to play in the snow and drink until the 6am broadcast.

One of the anchors (I can only assume he's the main anchor, since he had one hand commandingly on the desk, either in a show of alpha dog-type domination, or the fact that he's so ripped that he must hold the desk down to keep it from moving) was truly on warp speed, and even the heinous orange make up could do little to hide the dark purple circles beneath his haggard eyes.

So, I'm watching this train wreck (on mute only; my brain would leak from my ears if I was forced to actually listen) and thinking about how this station runs. It's obvious they aren't reporting on anything; each news story consists of little more than bad footage from all over South Carolina, with the anchor robotically reading the story straight off the news wire. The graphics are the only thing that probably originates onsite, and they are laughably bad (each "story"—already a questionable word in conjunction with the crap they deem newsworthy—is labeled a "HOT STORY!" illuminated by flickering red and orange block text that I can only imagine is trying to mimic fire). The set is so small, I can see the anchor woman's hair at the edge of the screen during the weather update. Or maybe she's just tipping back that last bit of Evan Williams in her coffee mug.
These people basically get paid to parrot whatever stupid fucking story Fox tells them to repeat, and then go obliterate themselves with drugs and booze in hopes of forgetting what complete wastes of skin they have become.

These "reporters" (I don't dare use the "J" word anywhere near this shite), and the Fox network in general, remind me of that disgusting kid on the playground. We all know the one: he would find the nastiest shit he could, and then proceed to show it to everyone.

Not even a polished turd, you know? (I guess Fox saves that for it's weekly line-up.) I'm talking the dirtiest, smelliest, shittiest turd they can find.

So I implore the news media of this country: STOP SHOWING ME YOUR FUCKING TURDS.

1 comment:

  1. Listen, you tattoed pinko freak. You don't like Fox news, huh? What's the matter? They don't report on stories with social or political or economic importance? What, you want stories with some sort of purpose? What are you, some kinda homo? Huh? Is that it? With your liberal leanings and your freaky music?

    Well, I've got news (hey-o!) for ya: If you don't like it, you can take your hippy ass and move down to Canadaland, where the other hippy freaks go. Of course, you'll have to learn to talk Mexicun, or whatever crazy commie language they talk over there.

    Don't tread on me.


Spit it, betch!