Back in the Saddle (or, Why My Mother is The Shit)

If you know me in person, and some of you do, then you know that my dad passed away almost two years ago. (Two years?!? Time heals not. It is simply the blessing of the fading memory of pain.) He and my mom were together for 20 years. Needless to say, she was more than devastated, as we all were, when he passed away at age 48. Too, too young.

I don't know if this is a saying, but I'm convinced that it is easier to let go of someone you loved tremendously, someone that you had a wonderful relationship with, than it is to get past a complicated and tumultuous relationship when the other person has died. My mom and dad had a really lovely relationship. It was filled with the small, romantic things that everyone says they want: hidden candies behind the coffee maker, just so she knows he's thinking about her; a bouquet of fresh flowers every Friday ("Friday Flowers"); washing and waxing her car on Sundays--all the good stuff. While the sudden way in which he died was traumatic and completely heartbreaking, we still have all of these small, sweet memories to invoke his presence anytime we choose. A tearful smile, remembering those thoughtful things that showed us every day how he loved us.

After my dad passed, my husband and I moved in with my mom for two months. She was less than a shell of a person, and we constantly worried for her well-being. But my mother comes from a line of women that are both strong, crazy, and crazystrong. And I really mean that. If you ever meet me, you will know what I'm talking about.

My mother is the strongest woman I have ever known. My father passing is one of the lesser traumas in her lifetime. She is my she-ro (thanks for the slang, Verm).

So my mom, now a sexy 50 year old, is single (she refuses to don "widow." She says, "I'm not some dried up old woman that is going to whither away until I die, dammit!") for the first time in a while, and is living alone for the first time in her entire LIFE. She is retired from being an incredibly successful business woman, she is building a new home, and is finally starting to ask herself this question: What do I really want?

I don't know what other people's experiences are, but from my observation, it is hard for single, middle-aged women to find decent dates. My mom, who had been dodging dates left and right, has complained for the past year that all the guys her age are bald, fat, and generally unattractive. And for the most part, I have to agree with her. Where do all the cute older guys go? Friends have been trying to set her up on dates, but with, like, 76 year old retired doctors.

Now, for reference, my mom is a very young 50 year old. She has gray hair, but her face doesn't look a day over 30 (good news for me! woo!). She has an amazing rack, she loves to play, she is learning how to drink (lightweight doesn't begin to describe her tolerance), and she is still in her sexual prime. She doesn't want to date someone that can't control their urine stream. Shit, she doesn't want to date someone with slightly thinning hair! (My dad had a full head of REALLY thick hair. What can I say, she's spoiled! In that regard.) I told her she was just gonna have to find a younger guy. She laughed that off, as she does most of my compliments because she doesn't think she deserves it. Wait, let me rephrase that: she used to laugh that off.

Lately, my mom has blossomed. And not just come out of mourning. She used this horrible experience (losing the love of your life, when your life was really just beginning) to grow herself, to become a better her, and to take life by the horns and really experience it. I guess the long and short of it is: my mom has a boyfriend.

Yes! She does! For the first time in 20 years! And he is HOT. He is 6'3", dark hair, a political writer and commentator (for which I will forgive him, and probably draw him into a lively debate at some point down the road), a singer, and best of all, he is totally infatuated with her.

And she is the happiest I have ever seen her. GO MOM! I love you.


  1. Wait... that's your mother?

    Forgive me if this seems uncouth, but... daaaaaaaaamn.

    That aside, even though it's two years later, I'm terribly sorry to hear about your dad.

  2. effina: i know, RIGHT??

    tk: that is my mom. that does not seem uncouth. and thank you.

  3. indeed your mother is so full of youthful cheerful appearance..

    be proud that "some" parents take care of themselves -

  4. Go mom! Rockin' the cleavage!

    My prudish mom would never show off her d├ęcolletage, and she looks young enough to pass for my sister.

  5. TK kind of already beat me to it, but I'd totally motor boat your mom's rack. Rawrrrr!

    Good for her. And condolences on your dad, it sounds like he was a fantastic guy.

  6. rottweilertom: i am indeed proud that my mom is such a wonderful caretaker, both of herself and others. i'm shit out of luck though. i smoke and drink too much...

    manda: isn't that cleavage amazing? if ya got it...

    onthevirg: it's ok. it's not creepy AT ALL that you want to do whatever to my mom's chest. Not creepy at all.

    and thanks about my dad. yeah, he was a keeper.

  7. Boo, that's absolutely wonderful for your mother (she is insanely gorgeous). My mother also has a wonderful boyfriend who adores the shit out of her, and it gives me so much joy to see her in love again (though our circumstances are different, my parents are divorced).

  8. wow, some of your friends are tacky...

    (give your mom my number, if this one doesn't work out)

  9. brad: yeah, you know, you are closer in age to HER than you are to ME. :) you should totally ask her out...

  10. You mom is a total milf.. even though I'm a girl. She's still a total milf.


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