This came to me in a hazy fog of stoned oblivion, which continues to be the stage for the best of my lackluster ideas and half-assed projects doomed to die a death of inattention made possible by the empty black hole of motivation that plagues me, particularly when it is not a matter of great concern, but fuck it I'm going through with it for now. It might start out great (many things do), but by the time the idea is no more of a novelty--more truthfully, when it loses its mysterious quality--I toss it atop the pile of Been Theres and Done Thats, where it receives nothing more than a brief glance and a 'trash, goodwill, or storage' designation, living the rest of its unnoticed existence among the other Forgottens.
First I came to acknowledge this about myself; the fact that I pick things up and drop them again so quickly--destined to be the Jack of All Trades, Ace of None. "Why, oh why do you curse me, Gods of Toddler Angst??" I yelled in my heart. "I would give anything to be really great at one thing!" Obviously, I never took the time to try being good at one thing. I just wanted it to happen magically on its own. God forbid I have to do something about it.
Thus, as all great minds do when confronted with such a conundrum, I then began to accept it. "Ah well," I reasoned, "it seems that my soul is destined to wander through my passions, never planting my feet, never creating a home; a 'hobo' with no 'ho'."
I was a very verbose 8 year old.
As I aged gracefully into my tweenlight years, I found a peace within, and embraced my cheating heart. "I am a fabulous mix of experience and naivete," I breezed. "Light feet and a fool's smile are as pleasant to me as a cub scout rally to the king of pop. There's always the promise of a sweet hole in which to nestle."
Yes, this IS a true story.
Anyway, enough about me. Here's my must-have Edibles for February 08.
THINGS I LOVE:
The Edibles Edition
(Yes, that is a picture of me throwing the goat. I throw the goat when I love something. So fairly frequently, really, especially if there's a mirror or storefront window within eyesight. I'm a hopeless narcissist. Thus, why I post a blog, I suppose, which is all about what I love. Anyway, I'm using the goats as my rating system, so it actually has a purpose.)
5. A dirty martini in my black martini glass.
Yes, I realize that the glass is dreadfully empty. I'm trying to cut back on the drinking, incidentally, and if you can't imagine what a dirty martini looks like, well, then you have more problems than I, my friend.
But isn't the black martini glass really cool?? I got them for a seasonal party a while ago; they looked quite nice filled with the creamy white "Santa's Little Helper" martini I designed, complete with a mini candy cane garnish. (See? Now there is an example of a follow-through. Phew.)
4. Wasabi powder. More specifically, wasabi added to delicious, homemade mashed potatoes.
Nothing more to be said, really.
3. Ginger Carrot Vinaigrette Dressing.
This is simple the best dressing I have ever had. Wait, no it is the second best dressing I've ever had. The first best dressing is the miso dressing from one of the local restaurants in my town (who also happen to make the best fucking smoky tofu I have ever tasted, and let me tell you, tofu is not easy), so I can't give that crown away. But I deem the Ginger Carrot Vinaigrette Dressing to be the Second Best Dressing Ever! Bow down! Bow down to your queen! (The dressing, not me. That comes later.)
2. Hazelnut Soy Creamer. I can't tell you how much I love this stuff. As a mostly-daily coffee drinker, I have explored the gamut of coffee additives. Honey was too viscous, skim milk too thin, creamer too heavy, soy too soy-sweet. But this, this treasure of the dairy isle, is my little Goldie Locks, my fits-just-right morning delight. It is the perfect mix of creamy, sweet, and non-milky. So it really boils down to this: I loves.
1. Pink lemonade Emergen-C.
I cannot live without Emergen-C. It is my heal all--kind of like the Greek father with the Windex in that Big Fat Movie that I dare not name for fear of drawing Internet searches. I prescribe it to all my friends, for any kind of ailment. Seriously. I had the worst hangover I have had in a loooooong time this past weekend, and the first thing I did when I rousted myself from unconsciousness was stumble to the kitchen and swill down one of these bad babies. (Maybe that's not such a glowing review, since the hangover proved to be, as I said above, the worst hangover in some time, but I swear it helped. Really and truly.) That, and you gotta get behind anything with the pink ribbon, right? Of course.
Top five edibles for February? Anyone?