Ear Candy: ONCE: In full addiction mode

If you don't have this soundtrack, get it immediately! (If anything, so you can relate to my level of heroin-like addiction. Thank you.)

I'm Afraid This is Only the Beginning

So, long story really really short:

We fired our contractor. He had a panic attack* and went to the hospital. He gave us a new (amazing) offer. We re-hired our contractor.

Moral: Panic attacks are good for business**.




*It is never my intention to send someone to the hospital. Unless it is my intention. But in this case, it definitely wasn't.

**God, I'm horrible.

Un-F#@KING-believable.

I came home today, after a very long and upsetting day, to find the following:

My dog had "buried" two bloody tampons under the pillows of our bed, after apparently chewing on them in various spots on the bed, leaving a bloody trail.

Unfortunately, that's not even the worst of it.



They were my mom's.

I guess it's a good thing that I wasn't already sleeping well at night. This saves me from the nightmares that would be sure to haunt me.


**Update: I just found the missing bloody pad on my beautiful wingback chair. Life is officially hell.**

What's Going On???

Just to give you a taste of my life in the past few days....



The Good:
My brother's band, Waiting to Bleed (heavy, heavy metal stuff) got signed to their first label. They are producing two albums and a DVD, so I'll keep you 'heads posted.

The Meh:
We fired the contractor that is building our house. More to follow on that later....(after I finish ripping out the remaining hair on my head). AND, I locked myself (accidentally) in our laundry room yesterday morning for, oh, about TWO Hours.

The Bad:
Our local recycling truck crashed into our truck (my baby!!!!), and now the engine resembles nothing more than a Geiger-esque accordian. Wahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

And tonight is a full moon/lunar eclipse, so I'm crazy as it is. I'm hoping I'll get through the rest of the week with minimal scarring.

How are y'all???

Tonight Only!

In the Asheville area? Enjoy local live music? Have a hankering for whiskey, tits, and beer? Is your name Buck?

Come see the country-heavy honky tonk stylings of the Two Dollar Pistols. Knowingly cared-for and loved in my drunken wandering days (i.e. "college").

Photo Love: Skintight

This is the finished product for now. Until I get the itch for more. Trust me, it's happened before.

Pictured here is the tattoo work I began at the start of this past summer, and was finished just after the new year. All work seen here is by Jay Chastain, artist and owner of Empire Tattoo.

Be Like Herbie and Hand you a Cock

Well, it's about fucking time.
Not that the Grammy's are any big shakes, but I just want to give a congrats to my man, Herbie Hancock, and say that—aside from having the coolest fucking name in history—he can now claim a Best Album Grammy for his latest release, "River: The Joni Letters."


Either the academy has lost their fucking minds, or have finally acquired some taste. I'm thinking it's a temporary release from their usual state of fuckitude.

Here, for your viewing pleasure, is the strangest music video ever to be put to celluloid (and really, the strongest testament to the fact that the 80s were a complete waste; gotta love 'em!!).

Herbie Hancock's Rockit



And from the winning album, "Court and Spark," with Norah Jones.

The 1st Annual THINGS I LOVE: Edibles Edition

This came to me in a hazy fog of stoned oblivion, which continues to be the stage for the best of my lackluster ideas and half-assed projects doomed to die a death of inattention made possible by the empty black hole of motivation that plagues me, particularly when it is not a matter of great concern, but fuck it I'm going through with it for now. It might start out great (many things do), but by the time the idea is no more of a novelty--more truthfully, when it loses its mysterious quality--I toss it atop the pile of Been Theres and Done Thats, where it receives nothing more than a brief glance and a 'trash, goodwill, or storage' designation, living the rest of its unnoticed existence among the other Forgottens.

First I came to acknowledge this about myself; the fact that I pick things up and drop them again so quickly--destined to be the Jack of All Trades, Ace of None. "Why, oh why do you curse me, Gods of Toddler Angst??" I yelled in my heart. "I would give anything to be really great at one thing!" Obviously, I never took the time to try being good at one thing. I just wanted it to happen magically on its own. God forbid I have to do something about it.

Thus, as all great minds do when confronted with such a conundrum, I then began to accept it. "Ah well," I reasoned, "it seems that my soul is destined to wander through my passions, never planting my feet, never creating a home; a 'hobo' with no 'ho'."
I was a very verbose 8 year old.

As I aged gracefully into my tweenlight years, I found a peace within, and embraced my cheating heart. "I am a fabulous mix of experience and naivete," I breezed. "Light feet and a fool's smile are as pleasant to me as a cub scout rally to the king of pop. There's always the promise of a sweet hole in which to nestle."

Yes, this IS a true story.

Anyway, enough about me. Here's my must-have Edibles for February 08.



THINGS I LOVE:

The Edibles Edition







(Yes, that is a picture of me throwing the goat. I throw the goat when I love something. So fairly frequently, really, especially if there's a mirror or storefront window within eyesight. I'm a hopeless narcissist. Thus, why I post a blog, I suppose, which is all about what I love. Anyway, I'm using the goats as my rating system, so it actually has a purpose.)


5. A dirty martini in my black martini glass.
Yes, I realize that the glass is dreadfully empty. I'm trying to cut back on the drinking, incidentally, and if you can't imagine what a dirty martini looks like, well, then you have more problems than I, my friend.

But isn't the black martini glass really cool?? I got them for a seasonal party a while ago; they looked quite nice filled with the creamy white "Santa's Little Helper" martini I designed, complete with a mini candy cane garnish. (See? Now there is an example of a follow-through. Phew.)



Rating:











4. Wasabi powder. More specifically, wasabi added to delicious, homemade mashed potatoes.

Nothing more to be said, really.





Rating:










3. Ginger Carrot Vinaigrette Dressing.
This is simple the best dressing I have ever had. Wait, no it is the second best dressing I've ever had. The first best dressing is the miso dressing from one of the local restaurants in my town (who also happen to make the best fucking smoky tofu I have ever tasted, and let me tell you, tofu is not easy), so I can't give that crown away. But I deem the Ginger Carrot Vinaigrette Dressing to be the Second Best Dressing Ever! Bow down! Bow down to your queen! (The dressing, not me. That comes later.)




Rating:










2. Hazelnut Soy Creamer. I can't tell you how much I love this stuff. As a mostly-daily coffee drinker, I have explored the gamut of coffee additives. Honey was too viscous, skim milk too thin, creamer too heavy, soy too soy-sweet. But this, this treasure of the dairy isle, is my little Goldie Locks, my fits-just-right morning delight. It is the perfect mix of creamy, sweet, and non-milky. So it really boils down to this: I loves.


Rating:










1. Pink lemonade Emergen-C.
I cannot live without Emergen-C. It is my heal all--kind of like the Greek father with the Windex in that Big Fat Movie that I dare not name for fear of drawing Internet searches. I prescribe it to all my friends, for any kind of ailment. Seriously. I had the worst hangover I have had in a loooooong time this past weekend, and the first thing I did when I rousted myself from unconsciousness was stumble to the kitchen and swill down one of these bad babies. (Maybe that's not such a glowing review, since the hangover proved to be, as I said above, the worst hangover in some time, but I swear it helped. Really and truly.) That, and you gotta get behind anything with the pink ribbon, right? Of course.

Rating:










Top five edibles for February? Anyone?

The Word of the Day is Butt Cleavage

The only thing more absurd than Ice T's wife Coco and her GI-NORMOUS ASS is the fact that she's giving marriage advice on the same spread:


I have to say, the butt supports are very sensible. Who knows where that ass could be in 5 years without them?

Break Out the Crampons

Because Hell is freezing over as we speak:



I have officially purchased my ticket to Iceland. Geothermal baths, here I come!!!!