11.24.2009

Austin, We have an Issue.

I consider myself a normal, healthy woman in her almost-prime. (I'll be 30 on my next.) Now, the way I understand it, most normal healthy women start to hit their sexual peak somewhere in their mid to late 30s.

As of the last couple of months, I have thought of almost nothing but sex. I used to think about it a lot before that, but now I think about it CONSTANTLY. In fact, it is becoming difficult to function because I am being bombarded by blistering blasts of bedlust. I can't concentrate on even the simplest things. I get turned on by the most innocent things. Like taking a turn too fast on the road. Or watching someone--that I'm not even ATTRACTED to--stretch. And things are going downhill rather quickly.

Austin, we have an issue.

This isn't an issue of not getting any. I am getting any. I'm getting GOOD any. And compared to my last relationship, and many before that, I'm getting a lotta good any. So I have to wonder: Is my getting any directly contributing to the Katrina-like flooding I'm currently experiencing in my downtown highrise?

I'm sure the answer is: Yes, a little.

But GOD: I have TEN MORE YEARS of this?????

FUCK.



Oh fuck. I said "fuck".

Now I'm "on" again.

CHRIST.

Hmm. I bet he was good at it.

DAMMIT!

8 comments:

  1. Oh sweetie, I'm with you there. I've had to break out Ol' Shakey multiple times a day. That can't be healthy...

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  2. Oh my poor tender eyeballs...

    Clearly I need to take a trip down South. Um, to get you ladies some help. Yes. Yes that's it. Help.

    Um, I gotta go.

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  3. Having the same problem. We took pictures of a 1967 Ford Shelby Mustang for my Graphic Design III class and I am pretty sure that I jizzed in my pants ... twice.

    But, it is nice to be "randy" and have someone that you can have "the relations" with. I feel like I was like this since I was 23 though, which is weird. Maybe, if you are gay, your peak starts at a different time. Nah, gay men want some ass all the time.

    But I totally feel ya. I can't get enough of some sex. Good times :)

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  4. Glad to know it's not just me.

    I'm in the wrong industry. Clearly I need to be doing something else, like manufacturing sex toys, or producing porn or something.

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  5. No no no... I'm in the same boat as you, remember? I was in a mostly sexless 7-year relationship and I got by. But now, over the past year and change, if I have to go for like two days I damn near explode. I don't know if it's so much my age (32) or the "opening of the floodgates" (pun intended) like, "Oh wait? Remember THIS? This is AWESOOMMMME."

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  6. Same here Boo. Almost 30, and though the boyfriend's libido matches mine and we don't see each other without having sex (you can't stop ME bronchitis!) I still find myself wanting it ALL. THE. TIME.

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Spit it, betch!