The second best decision I ever made in my life was to get married.
The first best decision I ever made was to get divorced.
This may seem contrary at best, but these two things have shaped me greatly—almost as much as burying two fathers. I have had the mirror held up to my face. I have looked deep into the dark thoughts of my own being. I have had to own up to my faults, my masks, my walls—all the things that I protected myself with. I don't think that I would have been able to do these things without the experience of marriage. Not even a long-term committed relationship would have done this for me. There is a level of...how can I say it...permanence, I guess, when it comes to being married. And for me, that was very necessary. I knew that I had to deal with myself in order to deal with my relationship. I learned this because I knew I had to.
Going through a divorce is strange. There is so much that still feels unresolved and up in the air. But maybe that isn't so strange. Very few things, at least in my life, come to a real resolution, despite my desperate attempts to reach some final conclusion.
I still stand by my first two statements. Because I now have a self-knowledge and understanding that no one can give me, and no one can take it away. I used to equate my husband with "home."
Now I know "home" was me all along.
I have some big plans, and I will hopefully unfold those shortly, when the time is right. Until then, just know that there are big things in the works, and you, my friends, will have a front row seat.