Thanks, Captain Obvious.

Sometimes my subconscious is like, soooo totally obvious. I mean, I really like those dreams I have where I wake up and say to myself, I say, "Self? What the eff was that?? What does that mean?? Am I secretly a man trapped in a woman's body??" And that bitchy self never answers.

But last night, my dreams were pretty see-through. One was about my soon to be separated from husband coming my (our old) room and saying, "Let's have sex one last time." Well, yeah, ok. Pretty clear. I'm terrified of being alone, not being sexually attractive, not having a partner I trust--all these things that have been building up in me with my so to be ex over a period of years. Great, subconscious. I get it. (Luckily in the dream, we almost did, and I then I came to my senses and refused because I knew it would set me back from all the progress I've made over the last week. Man, I am even rational in my DREAMS! Why couldn't I just have had the dream sex?)

The next dream was a group of people sleeping over at this really gorgeous man's killer house. We are all lounging around, someone was playing with my hair. Everyone was beautiful and sexy and sexual, even though there was no hanky panky. Ok, subconscious, again, I think I get it. This is my ideal. Awesome people attracted to me. Many awesome people. Sweet. (God, why couldn't I have had dream sex in THAT dream??? Sometimes my subconscious can be such a prude. Jeez.)

The next dream was about my extended family, and telling my grandparents--the ones that have been pushing me and soon to be ex to make a baby being--that we are getting divorced. Painful. And this dream was full of strangness. For starters, my grandfather was this king of carnival-type that was guessing people's weight, and he put me about 20 pounds over what I am. Harsh. And then my uncle was telling me he was getting divorced from my aunt, who happened to be his sister. I mean, we are Southern, but we ain't trash, ya know? And then my uncle started to sign his divorce papers and turned into my dad. Whoa. Subconscious, I get where you are going with this, but did you have to jumble it up so much? My father figures have disappeared from my life and now the only ones left are either hurting me or unstable.

Good grief. No, that should BAD grief. Bad grief! Bad! Go to your room!


  1. I think a rich, good looking sugar daddy is in order here. JK.

  2. Please don't kid about that. I could really use that.

    In about a year.

    Maybe. I've never been one to go after money--it always comes after me.


  3. So what you're saying is that I'm not only your birthday twin, but your prudish and over-thinking subconscious as well. I'm sorry.

  4. wow i wish that i had dreams like that. (the sensual one) I am gay as hell, but the only sex dreams i have ever had are about men ... what does THAT mean .... it frightens me lol.


  5. Man, when i was going thru my separation i totally had those dreams and it's no different from a guys standpoint. As lucious as sex would be it would completely undo what you've worked for and so the dream shoulda let it happen - for god's sake i still smoke in my dreams - but no, a decision is a decision.

    ANd we're all the better for it. How else can we find where we need to be if we don't get a little bit lost first, eh?

    good luck!


Spit it, betch!