Already Dead

I am barely holding it together at work today.

I was feeling better last Thursday--not great by any means, but I could actually say the words to my friends "my husband and I are separating" without breaking down. Then I had a slammed weekend full of distraction.

Now I'm back to a somewhat normal reality and I feel like the sky is crashing down on me. I'm being dragged to the center of the earth with a gravity so strong I can't even pretend to be alright. Every time someone asks me if I'm ok, I pretty much lose it. I am a fucking mess.

God, I hope it fucking gets better than this. I have pretty much had it with heartache and pain. I'm fucking sick of this. Sick of feeling so fucking lost and choked. I have a rotation of cold face packs to keep me from looking like a bloated corpse when I walk into work.

It has to get better. Right???


  1. Yes, it has to get better. Because really, how much worse could it get?

    Stay strong, kiddo. You'll make it through yet.

  2. It will get better. Your friends are there to listen to you and offer hugs and support. (Ok, so we may be too far to reach you for the hugs, but we send them your way with much love).

  3. ...say the word and I'll deliver my hug personally. It's really easy to focus on what's bringing you down when everyone keeps asking about it. The best I can say is try to find someting good. Think about what this change will mean for you, what it will bring, and what will be avoided by separating on good terms. Life is full of shitty endings. But it's the new beginnings that keep us moving forward. :: hugs ::

  4. Ugh, I am SO SORRY! I know that's a really lame thing to say when things like this happen, but seriously...It does and WILL get better.

  5. Oh, boo, it sucks that you are going through all of this. It will get better, but, as you've already experienced it, it will probably be up and down. You will absolutely make it through to the other side.

    And I hope you can find ways to bring yourself joy--no matter how small.

  6. Somehow I've been so out of the loop that I didn't see this until now. (Crazy work and family issues have been major contributors.)

    At any rate, I love you and I'm here for you. You can email or FB message me and maybe I'll put your ass on a plane to get away for a couple of days. Keep your chin up and accept the love and support we're all throwing at you.


Spit it, betch!