And in This Corner...

It's beginning to look a lot like campaign time, and I can only begin to imagine the piles of steaming shit that We, The People, are going to have to sift through in order to find a shred of decency and dignity in what should be the crowning tradition of our country.

It is that time again: you can almost smell the Democratic desperation and hear the rumbling Right Wing, taking one another to the mat over a single misconstrued statement, or a tiny little box on a form that may or may not have been checked, or a puff of smoke from 30 years ago. It is time to fling the clods of fear and manipulation against the ever-sullied wall of democracy, to skew truths, misinform the constituents, and create all-around feelings of helplessness and wrath.

Not only do We, The People have the opportunity to be overwhelmed at any moment with thinly-veiled propaganda and the constant overexposure of the bobble-talking-head of the moment, but this round of elections dares to unleash something far, far worse:

Celebrity Endorsements.

Isn't is bad enough that we are force-fed every single details of these peoples' privileged existences, each day of our lives? Hell, even my local news station has the lack of grace to report on Britney Spears. Britney motherfuckin' Spears. And now, when every other ad on TV is going to spout the same self-righteous, I-am-better bullshit, we have to deal with celebrities joining the crusade.

Sure, four years ago we had the typical politically active celebrity sect, but this year has shown us that was only a forward glance in a cheap crystal ball. Oprah, the Matron of Mothers, the Builder of Boarding Schools, has thrown her elephant-like clout behind Obama. (He said it better than me.) But this, my friends, I fear is only the beginning. Now, the other Behemoth of Broads, Madonna, has placed her support behind Clinton. What's next: the Osmonds for Romney? The Yanks for Giuliani? Chris Daughtry for Edwards??

Really though, I have to question Madonna's interest in American politics at all. I mean, isn't she all about being British now? Doesn't she have an affected British accent, live in a manor, and ride horses with teeny tiny saddles? More importantly, DOES SHE EVEN PAY TAXES IN THE U.S.? Someone with her earning potential could single-handed pay for Katrina relief with just a percentage of her taxed income. Personally, I think if she isn't paying taxes in this country, then she doesn't deserve to have a say in how the country votes. So FUCK OFF, Madonna.


  1. Don't forget Curt Schilling for John McCain.

  2. Ah yes. How could I forget someone as forgettable as Curt?

    Beats me.

  3. You know, Madonna could remake her Sex book with Hillary Clinton and Barak Obama playing the roles formerly inhabited by Naomi Campbell and Big Daddy Kane, and I wouldn't care, as long as it got a Dem in the white house.

  4. Wait, who is Britney voting for? I missed that. Also, do you think she should lose custody of her kids for good?

  5. effina: that. would. be. awesome.

    brad: ...

  6. I hear Hana Montana might be making a stand...


Spit it, betch!