Kate, as Alice Cooper

kate, as alice cooper
Originally uploaded by girlnamedboo

One of my best friends, as the hellfire wrought Alice Cooper. Awesome photo by me.

Bob's Big Boy turned into Dirty Old Man

Well, at first I was going to go as Bob's Big Boy, a suggestion courtesy of my friend Kate's cool boyfriend. But somehow, that didn't quite work out. So I asked myself, "Self?" says I, "what is a comfortable option for a costume, preferably one where I can hump people's legs and wear a diaper?" And thus, this picture:



The key to a successful costume: a good prop.
(See also, dirty old man balls.)

Ear Candy: Cat Power

This woman sings my life.

Cat Power's Lived in Bars





And an interview with her about her alcoholism, etc. Very candid.

Ear Candy: Roisin Murphy

Sometimes you just need a crazy hat, long gloves, a good beat, and the robot dance.

A somewhat Early Madonna-esque mix of Roisin Murphy's: Let Me Know.

Out Loud

I am loyal. I'm fun to hang with, I love to make people laugh, and I'm up for anything. I yell for my teammates when no one else is yelling; I cheer when there is nothing to cheer for. I am encouraging, and dedicated, and I live my life out loud. I don't care what strangers think of me. I like to shock people with the things I say. I like to push buttons. I am strong, and beautiful, and the world absorbs me in any way it can.

I wear a bikini although my body isn't perfect. I sing like I will never hear myself again. I work hard and play hard. I am street-wise, and intellectual. I love dreams, and interpreting them. I have kissed men, women, babies, and grandmothers. I don't believe in bedtime. I drink beer until I feel tipsy, and then have another. I smoke marijuana, because I can. I love to give hugs, and get them back.

I am a sexual woman, and not afraid to show it. I have big breasts that are beautiful. I give the people I love everything I have. I look you in the eye; I'm not afraid to connect. I love body language, and I use my body to communicate. I have never regretted the things I've done. I work towards being a better person. And I am a better person today than I was yesterday.

I have nothing to hide. I talk about anything. And if someone cares enough to talk to me, I am a great listener. I have a tender heart, and want to be loved. I choose who I am, I don't just float along and assume things about myself. I love my body enough to decorate it, and I'm not afraid to have something permanent on my skin. I think about the things that people will say at my funeral. I think that they will have a lot to say.

When I make mistakes, I'm quick to apologize and mean it. If I decide I want to do something, I do it. And when I attempt something, I give it 100%. I'm not afraid to fail, and see that as a learning experience. If something can be done better, I say it. I'm not afraid to challenge people. I'm not afraid to challenge myself. I have learned a few things about myself, and none of them are bad. I love myself, and if you don't, then go screw.

Yes, I live out loud. Does that scare you?

Mono

Four heads, like an old lover
black threads and a
long, strong song
first one wave and then another
beating my drums
before I sober
peer, and hang hidden where the curtain
closes
wait to adjust
wait to praise
wait to feel the ground

The "No Time or Energy to Post" Post

I'm slammed at work. Which is great, because the day goes by like...whatthafuck it's 4:30 already? But it can be a bit stressful too, and my therapist told me to remove all stress, so maybe that's just the excuse I need to go back to a mindless, non-challenging job like bartending or something.*

But with good things on the horizon, I'd have to be a major whiner to not be happy right now. As in, a kick-ass social calendar for the next month or so, and then wonderful fall beach vacation, and god, am I feeling THAT right now.

Also, this therapy thing has really helped my state of mind, and state of body. So yay.

I'm currently riding a wave that is somewhat similar to the wave I rode when I first lived by myself. It is helping me to remember why it is so awesome being an adult. Witness:

control over environment
self-sufficiency
do whatever the fuck I want
even illegal things! (GASP-sodomy)
not that I couldn't do the aforementioned in my parents' house, but it was certainly frowned upon

Also, I've been somewhat hibernating/living out loud, and it is a crazy and energizing mix. As in, staying out until 4am on a Wednesday night (WTF?) and then not moving from the house on Saturday. Relish.

And you know what? FUCK those stuck-up betches. They know who they are. (Ahhh, that felt so grade-school bitchy, and I love it.)

That's a very random and not-at-all related picture there, but I'm in a girl-love phase so I feel okay about it.


*My therapist said no such thing.

Old Friends

the crush of love
a panicked pang and plucky heartstring
then 20 years and silent
smoldering life, this is my gift
to you
a mended heart
still soft

Therapy and Tattoos

Which sounds worse to you: needles poking into the skin over the majority of your back, or therapy?

Here is the current state of my tattoo work. Next is a half-sleeve on my upper right arm, and then probably a little filling in on the back piece. Like it? I fucking love it.

Last night was mine and the hubs first couples therapy session, and it was intense. I didn't realize how things that happened when I was a child affected my adult relationships, and to what degree. I have been really put off my therapists in the past. I had a horrible experience with a therapist right after my bio-dad passed away when I was 14, and that set the stage for how I have perceived therapy up to this point. This guy we are going to is really great. I was shocked at how much one session made a difference (not that we're stopping there, by any means). I am a sad, scared little girl, terrified of rejection with a wall of anger to protect myself.

It's funny, really. It puts so much into perspective for me. I have recently had a good friend cut off all communication with me, and I was trying to be respectful and give her space (with her giving me no reason whatsoever for this abrupt end to communicae). I had really been beating myself up about it, but now I see how much it has truly hurt me. I have been trying to be nonchalant about it, and tell myself that it doesn't bother me, but it really does. Rejection of that kind—no reason, no nothing—is one of the cruelest things a person could do to me, and I think this friend knows it. It is so sad.

Ironically, another friend did the same thing to me last year. No explanation, nothing. After I tried repeatedly to talk to her about what was going on (I literally had NO IDEA), she finally gave me this general "we are moving in different directions" explanation and that was that. God, it hurt so much. She was in my wedding, for christsakes.
And now this friend, whom I work with, and play softball with, and truly thought she cared about me as much as I did her. So it has not that easy for me to put it out of my mind.

I don't know, I guess it is her issue. But I can't know because she won't return my phone calls anymore. So here I am, feeling awful all over again, like a little girl, and my strong side keeps trying to protect that soft side of me.

Well, let me tell you, I was ready for a release, because I bawled like a baby at therapy yesterday.

So I guess tattoos hurt more than therapy, and rejection more than tattoos.

I Want to Have Charles Tillman's Bebes.

In a figurative way, of course. But DAMN did that man save the Bear's asses last night. Against an unbeaten Packers team. Ha. Hee hee hee! Favre was P.O.'ed, and I think that was the best moment of the game. Nothing makes Bears fans happier than a pissed off Favre. Retire already so we don't have to play you, dammit!! Actually, the best moment of the game was 2 minutes left in the 4th, and Green Bay made a stupid mistake, which gave us the 5 yards we needed for a 1st down, and instead of just settling for a field goad like a bunch of weiners, Da Bears took it to the endzone. Sweet sweet victory!

And now, I would like to thank all of those who made this win possible:


Charles fucking Tillman: two forced fumbles in the 1st half, when it looked like Green Bay was going to eat us for a midnight snack.

Brian Urlacher with an interception. (I want to have his bebes too.)

Brian Griese, who only threw one interception and managed the game well. (I mean, come on, compared to the rest of the season, that shit is good.) Now if he could only learn to throw down the line. He's got the center cut run covered.

Desmond Clark. In spite of the f&*king O-LINE.

Greg Olsen, in spite of Griese's inability to throw an accurate pass down the line. Damn dude.

Our middle linebackers, who finally woke up and realized they were sucking ass in the 1st half. 2nd half? Not so much.

Devin Hester, with a hell of an offensive block. HELLO O-LINE! Let's watch some tape.


No one had less to do with this win than:

Rex Grossman.
The offensive line.
Jesus.

Tattoo pics to come soon, Alex, I promise. I just had to take my chance with a positive Bears post while I had it.

Why I Love Liam.

This is what happens when I finish a monster project at work: internet diddling.



Shetbags.

Friday Morning

Damn, I love Friday mornings. And as Friday mornings go, this one has been the BEST. Let's recap, shall we? And then you can all be jealous of my fabulous and wonderful life:

--got druuuuunk last night and woke with no hangover
--woke up REALLY early and had great morning sex
--went for a run in the light drizzly rain conditions with hubs and dog
--getting more ink work done today
--eating delicious Indian food for lunch
--yerba mate for breakfast

I feel fabtastic, but that could be because the last two weeks have been weeks from work hell—not that it has been bad, just that it has been crushingly busy—and last night was the end of my big push. Now it's all light lifting from here until my Thanksgiving holiday. Man, I really need to catch everyone up, don't I? I love being so self-important and gleeful about it.

Ok, so last weekend, hubs and I decided to go to the beach. We are tight on cash, and his mom lives in Charleston SC, so we called her up to see if we could crash. We could, so we went and took the dog. She (the dog) is Awesome Dog. She is uber smart, and really sweet, and everyone loves her. Except, apparently, my mother-in-law. And so it begins.

Let me just preface this story with the fact that not only have I never had a problem with M-I-L, I truly like her. But the three long days we spent with at her house pushed me past my limit for fake niceties and overall patience. In fact, she was a totally different person.

Ok, so, hubs double-checked to see if we can bring Awesome Dog, and yes we can, even though they have three highly aggressive cats. (Well, two aggressive cats and one sweet shy one that gets bullied by the other two, poor kit.) But the cats have been pissing all over M-I-L's couch, so they have been staying outside anyway. No big deal, right?

Awesome Dog was, in fact, awesome all weekend. She was really good in the house, went for long, easy walks, played ball in the yard, and not once did she try to even sniff any of the cats (that were, of course, outside). But you would never have known this if you were speaking with M-I-L. If I heard the phrase "terrorizing the poor cats" ONE MORE FUCKING TIME, I was going to lose it. Luckily, hubs saw me reach my limit and told her to shut it, so that I wouldn't have to be the bad guy to my M-I-L. Who is really nice, but can also be really fake nice. You know those people? They say rude things with a smile on their face like it's a joke, but it's not really a joke and they just don't have the balls to say it directly without some sort of flowery way of putting it so they don't have to seem like a jerk? Yep, that kind of fake nice. It drives me mad.

So many things became clear to me over the weekend. Hubs and I have been in the midst of marriage issues, and boy did I see where he shit comes from!! Hint: HIS MOTHER. I don't know if I should really talk about this right now, since we are just starting therapy next week, so maybe I'll save it. Or maybe I just won't talk about it, since it is our private business. But let it be known: my husband's mother limited his ability to deal with negative situations or conflicts. This is so different from my family and how I was raised. Not that one way is right, but it's just different. I mean, my family is a "talk it out, hug it out" kind of family, which I happen to think is pretty healthy. His is a "never be visibly upset, hide it under the rug" type family, and it grates. on. my. last. nerve. especially. with. his. mother.

Arg. Ok, moving on. Not only do we hear bullshit all weekend about Awesome Dog "terrorizing" the cats, but M-I-L is on a restricted diet. She is not eating sugar of any kind, no wheat, and no dairy. Which is great with me, if she wants to do that. But you want to know what one of my biggest peeves is? Others forcing you to comply with their restrictions. Restrictions they have CHOSEN, not that she's allergic to wheat or dairy, you know? And the biggest rub: when we got to town, she had no food so WE had to go to the grocery store and buy HER special foods so WE could cook her nasty-ass meals. Let me tell you, it was pretty gross (aside from the coconut rice dish we made on Friday night because I couldn't stand it).

I mean, who does that?? Who makes you buy their special groceries to cook their special fucking meals for them? SHE IS HIS MOTHER, for godsakes!! SHE should be the one buying the goddamn groceries. She is by no means broke. So there went the other side of my head, bald from ripping my damn hair out.

On top of it, hubs and I had a horrible fight while we are there. (We then proceeded to have amazing sex--goes with the territory). I hate being at someone else's home and fighting. That really stinks.

Oh yeah, because she expected us to be available to her 24-7, we got to go to the beach for ONE WHOLE HOUR!

Anyway, that's the long story behind why we are taking a beach trip at Thanksgiving. Because that vacation turned out to be hell. But on the bright side, hubs started seeing where all his shit stems from, because M-I-L made it really effin obvious. Thanks M-I-L!! you bitch.