A Girl Named Boo

Feminist Quote of the Day

2011-09-08T15:58:00.001-04:00

"I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman."
~Anaïs Nin

Hot. Seriously Hot.

2011-09-05T21:22:00.003-04:00

Yo betches. I know it's been a while, and that's just how I roll. But there are some updates and thangs you should know about!

I'm contributing to a review site called Hot Ink. You should come give us a visit, and stay a while.

Also, this blog will continue to be my personal betching site, but if you have a mind for more intellectual conversations about everything WOMAN, then you can check out my shiny new website, girlnamedboo.com. I have recruited some amazing women, ages 16 to 55, to contribute to the conversations. Please, give a look, but be nice because it is not officially launched. It is what we call soft launched, like Uncle Joe's erection after a night of heavy whiskey love.

That's all for now! Ta ta, everyones.

Love,

Boo

Name the Only American Minority Group that Actually Constitutes the Majority of the Population!

2011-05-26T12:04:00.005-04:00

GIRLS.

LOVE me some Beyonce, but YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES ALLLLL over this. NineteenPercent: be my besty.

h/t Mary!

Operation: Combating Bitterness part deux

2011-04-29T11:35:00.002-04:00

Operation: Combating Bitterness

2011-04-27T14:56:00.002-04:00

Today's exercise for combating bitterness is: making up new insults. Just off the top of my head:

slut trumpet
bone slapper
poo poo platter
shit munch
ass flap
carnie licker
scrum pickle

Childish? Yes. Time wasting? Absolutely. Giggle inducing? Eh. But at least it helps get my mind off things.

Iron Heart

2011-04-26T14:07:00.002-04:00

What is it that makes it possible for people to open their heart, again and again, in spite of experiencing heartbreak and pain? When we are small, we learn that hot things will burn, and for the most part, we avoid hot things that can burn us. Why is it that we can remember physical pain--pain that resides primarily in the body--and not remember emotional pain?

I have tried so hard to not let myself shut down; over and over, I have allowed people into my life that ultimately prove they don't have my best interests at heart. And no matter how much you keep those people at a distance, they always end up hurting you.

My heart is screaming out today. I'm just a complete wreck, and I promised myself, over and over, that I wouldn't let myself go here ever again.

BUT HERE I AM.

Fuck.

As I said before: UM.

2011-02-11T10:49:00.002-05:00

Well, that's...interesting.

My New Favorite Thing

2011-02-10T10:59:00.003-05:00

Three beautiful words:
Top. Butt. Cleavage.

A Hatbox

2011-01-18T22:27:00.002-05:00

A hatbox can be perfect

A study in design, form

and, lastly, function

Just a 3/4 thought

2011-01-18T21:58:00.003-05:00

Just 3/4 in to a bottle of wine

I'm fine

And I'll know more about it

in the morning

Just 3/4 in to a life of time

I'm fine

And I'll know more about it

in the mourning

The Blogging Conundrum

2011-01-18T10:04:00.004-05:00

When I first started this blog, it was totally anonymous. No one knew who Girl Named Boo was. I slowly began introducing my "real life" friends to the blog, and even when I knew my real life people were reading, I still felt a sense of anonymity.

But now, I've basically come out of the blog closet. Boo has always been my nickname (since I was a little baby Boo), but I find random Boo occurrences now.

For instance:

Walking to get a quick lunch last week, someone driving by me in a car yelled out "Hey Boo!" I was so shocked I almost fell on the ice that covers our city sidewalks. Still don't know who that was, but it was totally strange.

For another instance:

On my "real name" facebook page, I get a lot of "Boo," rather than Kara. That, I like. It feels natural to me.

For more instance:

What is really weird to me, though, is when one of my friends passes on a message from someone I've never met, saying, "So and so saw blahblahblah on your blog/twitter/fb, and says somethingsomething."

Conclusion: I would be a terrible celebrity.

Happy Friday: This Party Just Took a Turn for the Douche

2011-01-14T13:40:00.002-05:00

Self-Protection Mode: People Pleaser/Hand Biter

2011-01-11T14:23:00.006-05:00

I've come to discover two things about how I interact with people; two extremes that I sometimes find myself operating from. They both come from the same source, the same motivation—self-protection—but come out in very different forms.

People Pleaser

One side of this dichotomy is the people pleaser. People Pleaser came to life when I was a child, coping with what it meant for my parents to be divorced. I wanted their love and was terrified that because, in my child's mind, they didn't love each other anymore, then they could possibly stop loving me, too. Thus, as I moved between the worlds of "Mom" and "Dad" as separate entities, my People Pleaser emerged. People Pleaser tells each parent what they want to hear in order to maintain that parent's love. This, of course, bled into other relationships in my life, and for much of my childhood and early teen years, I was a consummate People Pleaser.

Hand Biter

But alas, one side of the coin cannot exist without the other, and thus, as I hit puberty and started to understand the strength of saying no, pushing back, and other forms of rebellion, Hand Biter took a stand. Hand Biter is another self-protector, and in my case, formed out of the frustration of being a People Pleaser and still being hurt by those that I loved. Hand Biter has a sharp tongue, and strikes before she can be struck. Hand Biter has the perfect biting thing to say, and says it without thought to anything but protecting onesself. Hand Biter is the exact opposite of People Pleaser.

As an adult, People Pleaser and Hand Biter are still with me. They have grown and developed as I have, and they are as much a part of me as my hand or my fingerprint. They have their own scars, and they make appearances when I am feeling vulnerable or distrustful. I have come to understand that, even through understanding these sides of myself, it doesn't mean these pieces of me will ever go away. Nor, I think, would I want them to. They represent the Amazon Woman parts of me: The self-preserving part of me. The part of me that will survive in the face of whatever happens, and I welcome that strength. But I am trying to learn how to call on these protectors only when I need them.

Cohabitation.

2011-01-03T12:36:00.003-05:00

It doesn't have to be like this:

TMI Time: Tampons.

2010-12-22T14:08:00.003-05:00

Reddit makes me laugh. A lot. I mean, nowhere else can you get all of the fuckery of the internet in one easy, badly designed place. Don't get me wrong, I do love me some sub-reddits. My favorite right now is the 2Xchromosomes subreddit, where I found this important article. Basically, it says that O.B. tampons are being taken off the shelves for a "manufacturers update" and won't be back until 2011. Now, this may dismay some women, and I am one of them, because that is pretty much my go-to tampon. The biggest reason: No applicator.

I was surprised when I read down the list of reddit comments and saw that, in most other countries, tampons without applicators are the standard. And in fact, the attitude is mainly that applicator tampons are for girls who have just started menstruating. But not in America. And why is that? Why are American women basically forced to use tampons with applicators?

I think, in large part, that it is the American culture surrounding feminine hygiene, body parts, menstruation, and all other things wholly belonging to women as being "icky". GOD FORBID you touch your own vagina. I'm pretty sure that menstruating is one of THE most natural things IN THE WORLD, just like sperm.

This isn't restricted to female bodily functions, either. Men are also taught that, other than sexual situations, to not be comfortable with one's own body.

Newsflash: It is YOUR body. And there is nothing "gross" or "icky" about the natural, healthy things that is does.

Ladies: Using tampons without applicators is not only HEALTHIER for your vag, it is also much more environmentally friendly. So, give her a whirl. Touch your girl.

Boo's Top Five: Fabulous Female TV Characters

2010-12-15T10:45:00.000-05:00

5. Laurie Keller, Cougartown
At first glance, Laurie is everything that I despise about TV females: insipid, focused on looks, bimbo-ish. But she has LAYERS, man. She has fears and issues that I think a lot of women can probably relate to, even if every other word out of her mouth is "Like." (Also, Busy Philipps: Makes me laugh, was in Freaks and Geeks, seems super down to Earth, and, LIKE, a real person, so, she wins.)

4. Kate Beckett, Castle
My favorite moments watching Kate Beckett are when she goes into the interrogation room. That woman is a hard ass! And, not only is she a hard ass, but she traverses a line of hard ass whereas other women in the same position would be seen as bitches. As a female character, she is fabulously feminine will still maintaining the hard ass persona. So, congrats on creating a fabulous character, Marlowe.

3. Dr. Temperance "Bones" Brennan, Bones
She is on, LIKE, every top ten list for female characters, and there is good reason: She is probably one of the most unique female characters on television. She doesn't get jokes because she is so literal and scientific about everything, and when she finally gets them, she makes a bad one in return, and laughs uproariously. Priceless. Also, you can't go wrong putting the (warning: heresy approaching) more interesting (read: less over exposed) Deschanel in that role.

2. Olivia Dunham, Fringe
Oh my goodness, where do I start? Olivia, Olivia, Olivia. A tortured soul that wraps herself in the protective shell of law enforcement. Nothing shakes Olivia—I mean, seriously, NOTHING. I guess that is what happens when you are used as a subject in a variety of traumatic experiments when you were wee. And even when she is shaken, or injured, or just fucked up in general over something, she can still seal the deal (meaning, protect herself with her gun by shooting someone's ass). Additionally, Anna Torv could easily be one of the best actresses on television, period. Easily.

1. Coach Shannon Beiste, Glee
Finally, my number one choice of best female TV character is Coach Beiste on Glee. I know, Sue Sylvester seems like such a good, and obvious choice, and I LOVE Sue, but not in the way that I love Beiste. At 6'3" and the coach of the boys football team (and yes, I realize that there are few, if any, high school girls foottball teams, but I used the italics to make a point, see?), she is a woman that you do not fuck with. On the outside, she is masculine as hell, and she puts on a strong front to maintain that power. But, on the inside, she just wants to be a beautiful, petite ballerina that gets some ass. I mean, come on, has there been a character like Shannon Beiste on television? Ever? I. Love. Her. And I love Dot-Marie Jones, especially the more I read about her. World champion arm wrestler by 19, Olympic athlete, one of the only women warriors on the short-lived Knights and Warriors, and was offered a role in professional wrestling but turned it down because it was "too fakey." FUCK YES.

Strong women rock.

One for the Ladies: Amber Heard is the Hottest Lesbian in Tinseltown

2010-12-06T16:09:00.003-05:00

Amber Heard has been out for a while, but I guess we are all just now finding out. Why is this "newsworthy"? Because apparently it's big news when a beautiful woman who doesn't sport a mullet is a lesbian.

Unreal. I'm shaking my head right now.

Big congrats to Amber, who obviously has a better grasp on who she is as a person than most young women in Hollywood.

TSA Scanners, Privacy Infringement, and Physical Abuse

2010-11-11T15:08:00.007-05:00

Breast twisting?? Handcuffs?? Ripping apart a plane ticket?? Treating American citizens WORSE than suspected terrorists???? Listen to this radio broadcast from FreeTalkLive.com. This young woman's experience is almost unbelievable. What is HAPPENING to our civil liberties in this country??

TSA agents singled Meg McLain out for special treatment. They yelled at her, cuffed her to a chair, ripped up her ticket and cal from George Donnelly on Vimeo.

UPDATE: The TSA has posted these two security camera videos to refute this woman's story. I think the footage is inconclusive, but I guess watch for yourselves and see. (In the first video, the woman enters the frame at 1:13. In the second video, she enters at 0:03.)

Monster Named Boo

2010-11-06T12:20:00.006-04:00

Today I am the monster. I guess I know what triggered it, and so far, it hasn't been pretty. I would like to think that everyone human being goes through this—we all experience the monster rising from the depths, bringing up all that shit that we just want to stay buried. You know, calm waters. But that can be dangerous. Burying can induce a serious case of "release the Kraken" blues.

But maybe some of us don't have this, the beast within. The beast that stays dormant, waiting for the most unlikely and inconsequential of things to awaken it. Those people, with no inner monster, are rare I'm sure.

Maybe some of us have the beast within, but refuse to let it surface, forcing it into suspended animation. If you are one of those, and can maintain a normal and healthy life, then more power to you. Because that ain't me.

My beast is pretty ghastly. It scares—no, terrifies me—into regretful actions, usually of the self-destructive nature. My darkness is pretty dark.

We often only show our beasts to those closest to us, and that is usually the worst part. Watching this dreadful scene unfold, the very people that you hold dearest being the first victims, knowing how awful it all is, and not being able to do a damn thing about it. Like a slow motion car wreck.

Well, I want to tame my beast. I can't rid myself of it, and I don't know that I'd want to if I could. But I want to channel it. Often, I think that is the best we can hope for.

Channel the beast.

Happy Fu*king 50th!

2010-11-05T11:26:00.003-04:00

Yeowza. Happy 50th, Tilda.

Eff Bomb Fridays: Florence and The Fu*king Machine

2010-11-05T10:51:00.004-04:00

Florence and The Machine, The Dog Days Are Over

Hell yes they are, Flo.
Happy Fucking Friday, Boovers!!!

Just in Time for Winter.

2010-11-04T13:36:00.003-04:00

I have the BIGGEST crush on this chick. She NEEDS to be a writer for SNL, because that would make it great again, but for now, she is just AWESOME in her own right. Awesome awesome awesome.

Strong and Beautiful (and Exploited?): Female Athletes on Magazine Covers

2010-10-22T12:28:00.011-04:00

This post, from one of my favorite websites (www.adventure-journal.com), unwittingly became a kind of lighting rod for a discussion on whether female athletes/models are being used for their looks to sell magazines.

You know: I have to say that, YES. Outside Magazine is using these women for their attractive qualities, rather than focusing on their athletic ability.

Any serious athlete is more likely to have a tight, muscled physique than most—so why focus on that? Why not shoot a cover with those women actually doing what it is they are good at? Why do we have to relegate EVERYONE to a freakin' sexual object? And this goes for male athletes as well.

Woman as Artist

2010-10-20T12:06:00.006-04:00

I've been working on another site with my ninetofiver, and I wanted to share the work of one fabulous photographer with you all:

Rebekka Guðleifsdóttir.

Her work is phenomenal, and her process is inspiring. I urge you to take a look at what she can create with just the things around her and her beautiful mind.

Living Bi in a Straight World

2010-10-19T22:15:00.001-04:00

To come out, or not to come out: That can be a huge question, especially for those of us that consider ourselves "mostly" straight.

Something I have learned as I grow (older, if not wiser) is that life is full of gray areas. Often, we seek answers to questions that have none, and this is an uncomfortable place to exist for most people. We like our world nice and structured. Paper or plastic. Truth or dare. God or no god. Gay or straight. This or that. This doesn't allow for a lot of room for where most of us fall, which is usually somewhere in between: The dreaded gray area.

There has been a lot of attention in the gay community lately about coming out, sparked by the recent string of tragic suicides, many of which are related to being bullied because of one's sexuality. It is so sad to me that being closeted is still extremely common, but it is easy to see why many members of the gay community continue to live in the closet. There is pressure on both sides of the fence: Don't come out because of the inevitable judgement; or come out because of the pressure to be supportive. I like to call this: The dreaded gay area.

As I mentioned in my It Gets Better Post, I am bisexual. I've never felt like I was missing out on living my true life because I wasn't "out" to many of my friends and family. This is because I'm mostly straight. I've had a few short-lived relationships with women, but my "serious" relationship have always been with men.

So what does it mean for the many of us that are Mostly Straight? It is important for us to come out to support our gay brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, parents, and friends? Is it productive? Would it start a true conversation?

These are perfect examples of those gray areas. Most likely, there is no right answer. Most definitely, this is a choice that each individual must make for themselves.

But I ask this: Is it important? And why?

Boo on Facebook!

2010-10-18T16:14:00.004-04:00

Check it out.

You know you likey.

It Gets Better!

2010-10-05T15:37:00.008-04:00

I wish our society was at a point where I could look at my bio dad—who was gay, but in the closet—and tell him: Look at all of these people who support who you are, Dad. But things weren't like that for him, growing up as a gay man in the 60s and 70s. He was closeted his entire life to most everyone that knew him, other than the men he was involved with.

The reason I say this is because I struggled as a young girl with my own sexuality, but in a different way: I was attracted to men, but I was also attracted to women. It wasn't until college that I was able to admit my bisexuality, and even then, most people I know don't know that I'm bi.

But I don't have the same struggle that so many LGBT kids do. And that is why this project—The Trevor Project—is so important.

If you know someone struggling with their sexuality, being bullied for the sexuality, or just struggling with life in general, direct them to this YouTube channel; the It Gets Better channel. It is full of support from people who have "been there" for those trying to get past the negative crap and just live their happy, gay little lives.

Please go to this page and support it by watching the videos. Many had me in tears, and laughter, sometimes both at once. It is a big ol' hug for your heart.

Update: Here's Tim Gun, whom I can't help but love.

Asheville 48 Hour Film Fest: "Chariots of Choir"

2010-09-27T15:42:00.006-04:00

Wanna see something? Check out the mockumentary my team did for the Asheville 48 Hour Film Fest. This is the competition cut; hopefully I can post the "Producer's Cut" soon. Due to technical issues, we made this film is 25 hours, not the slated 48 hours. Fun!

And Now It's September

2010-09-22T12:54:00.002-04:00

I am BACK. For the moment.

You see, I have some big projects underway that have been sucking my time away like a Lohan in a coke store, and it has been a bit of a "do" to get back to everything that I enjoy doing.

But big things will be happening around here. Very big things. And I hope you all are here when they happen, because they will be big. And stuff.

Quick Update on Boo-ness:
I'm happy!

How are YOU?

I KNOW...

2010-06-07T18:03:00.002-04:00

that I need to update this blog in a very meaningful way. And I hope to do that soon*.

But probably not in June**.

-boo

*I am a poet
**and I know it

WE ARE...

2010-06-02T15:20:00.000-04:00

Scared to do the right thing, most of the time.

I AM...

2010-05-12T17:00:00.001-04:00

Waiting for a call that will never come.

I AM...

2010-05-06T16:56:00.001-04:00

Listening for my name in the wind.

I AM...

2010-05-04T15:07:00.001-04:00

Perfectly happy being a million miles from perfect.

I AM...

2010-05-03T15:21:00.002-04:00

A sunflower with a lion's roar.

I AM...

2010-04-30T13:47:00.001-04:00

Shade taking a sunbath.

I AM...

2010-04-29T13:17:00.002-04:00

A heartbroken lover.

I AM...

2010-04-26T13:40:00.004-04:00

A drama queen.

When In Doubt: PreGame!

2010-03-15T13:26:00.004-04:00

I had the BEST pre-thirtieth birthday weekend. The best.

The weather is finally starting to get more bearable here in ye olde mountains, so Saturday I spent the better part of the day in my yard hauling rocks large and small, mounds of dirt, planting my "booshes" and raking up leaves for mulch. By the time it started raining, I was filthy, exhausted, and happy. I took the BEST shower, shaved my legs for the first time since autumn (dead serious), and painted my toenails while watching a girlie movie with my roomie. I followed that wonderful relaxation up with a meal at my favorite mexicano restaurant (margarita, of course). Bliss.

Sunday morning, I met my sweet group of gals (and took my sweet unboyfriend along with me) to the BEST brunch in town: Stoney Knob Cafe (mimosas and a benny--le sigh). Then we took the party back to my house where me and the gals indulged in some serious nostalgia: Wilson Phillips, En Vogue, Paula Abdul, and a full-on rendition of the Little Mermaid, sung a capella of course. Add some homemade strawberry shortcake, a quick visit from my brother, and a great session of multiple O's, and I am a happy happy almost-out-of-my-twenties girl.

And I feel sexy. Verrrrry sexy. (It helps that I placed a mirror right by my bed where I can just glance over and...see certain...things. Yeah.)

I'm spending my ACTUAL birthday in NYC with my two best friends. Which rocks.

If my thirties are going in this direction, then things just got much better.

"30 soon" Shoes

2010-03-09T13:03:00.005-05:00

So I bought me some new shoos.

Shoes.

Let's get some shues.

WHOA. Hidden Dangers.

2010-03-04T11:22:00.003-05:00

I freaked out the other night. Like, freaked out in a way that I have only done one other time in my life. I had an emotional breakdown.

These things never happen to me. Wait, no no no. I never LET these things happen to me. If I feel negative, or have a bad experience I usually push my emotions about it away. Word to the wise: This will not do. Not at all.

They don't go away. Ever. Even if you learn to deal with the things that shape you as a person, they never go away. I went through six months of therapy after me and the ex-husband split, and during that time I was able to start learning how to get in touch with those deep dark places within, and hopefully help some of that shit come out into the light. It was really hard, and even though I was trying to be as open as I could in those sessions, I knew I was editing. I knew it as I sat there and cried harder than I have cried in my life, and that is a scary feeling. It is scary knowing that you aren't going nearly as deep as you should, but even at that depth there is such terror and fear. It was intense, and almost overwhelming.

Well, those very deep things that I can hardly look in the face started to surface within me the other night. It was after a conversation with my sister, and as soon as I put down the phone, I felt something burbling up. But instead of dealing with what was coming up in me (abandonment, rejection, fear) I pushed it away and started acting out. And I starting acting out on a person in my life that I know loves me very very much. Someone who I've been able to share more of myself than with any other person in my life, except for mey lifetime best friend. And I hurt this person. And I hurt me. And I kept going. I was out of control.

Now I'm out of town on business, trying to be focused while at the same time trying to pay attention to what is happening inside of me. I've gotten so good at pushing negative things away—so very good that, a week after my dad died, I was right back at work and acting like normal. God, I have buried so much shit. And my failed marriage is one more victim, along with the countless number of friends and family members that I've pushed away or just dropped.

I think it is time for me to do the hard work.

I must admit: I'm scared shitless right now.

Saturn has motherfucking returned.

thirty-something.

2010-02-19T16:14:00.002-05:00

I'm going to be 30 in a little over a month.

30.

30. 30. 30. 30. 30.

I think I'm gonna throw a huge party. Maybe the Saturday night before my actual birthday.

Who's with me?

Boo's Top Five: Dislikes of Today

2010-02-18T15:05:00.001-05:00

5. OVERWORKED.

4. COLD.

3. FAT.

2. BROKE.

1. DOWN.

Vagina.

2010-02-03T12:13:00.002-05:00

Still reading?

Good. Then read this.

Andy Wright, you are a woman that I could be friends with.

Boo's Nuggets of Wisdumb

2010-01-20T10:45:00.002-05:00

Stop talking about how you are going to make things right, and just "Nike" that bitch.

Blue Full Lunar Recluse

2010-01-04T11:25:00.004-05:00

I hid out in my house for New Years Eve and played dress-up in my closet. This only works if you put on clothes you haven't worn in a long time. My list looks something like this:

black thigh high stockings
black lingerie
red post-ceremony wedding dress with a slit to my hip
red silk kimono robe
the highest heels i own
gold sequin beret
gold 2010 sunglasses, courtesy of my recent trip to NYC

If this is how my year is going to shape up, then I must admit, I'm pretty pleased.

But damn if that crazy moon didn't kick my ass.

I Can Haz SPACE MAAAAADNESS!??!?!?

2009-12-23T10:07:00.005-05:00

Been stuck in house. No power. Five days.

Finally out. Feels like a jailbreak. I'm waiting for sirens to go off because I'm missing.

Going to NY tonight. Feels like I'm stepping from one dream into another. Madness.

I miss my pooch already. She kept me warm.

More from the road later.

Photo Love: Wild Boo Corner

2009-12-15T09:52:00.002-05:00

In my front yard yesterday:

That's a bobcat, y'all.

After Sunset, Before Sunrise

2009-12-11T10:52:00.003-05:00

Doctors, let's call it.

Time of death: 23:30, December 10, 2009.

I kept you on life support for as long as I feasibly could. I really did. But I just don't think I can watch you suffer anymore. The heartbreak is too great, and those little lucid moments that have kept my hope alive are too few and too far between to justify this hurt any longer.

But those small moments were sweet. So sweet. They kept me going in a relationship that didn't deserve it. They keep me going now, in another relationship that should deserve it, but probably won't get it. We are both too jaded at this point to delude ourselves.

I didn't want it to be this way. I wanted to hold on for as long as I could. I always said I wouldn't be one of those people that accepts defeat and walks away to a long, lonely life full of nothing but reality. I always thought I could make the fantasy last, at least a little while longer.

If you still have yours, hold on tight. Try not to let this harsh world take it away from you.

I wish I could have held on just a little while longer. But it is like knocking on the door on an empty house.

Goodbye, inner romantic. Goodbye, little idealist. We tried.

Hello reality.

Boo's Nuggets of Wisdumb

2009-12-10T14:53:00.000-05:00

One thing all businesses need: a well-thought out, simple, accurate, billing system. Especially an internet billing system. And especially if your business provides, you know, INTERNET SERVICE.

A Tuppence Sir?

2009-12-04T12:36:00.003-05:00

Hi Peeps!

I must say that I've really missed blogging. It is so nice to get back into it. Now that I'm into a new life phase, I have a lot of energy that has been unused, so I'm getting back into shape.

I have a new goal: I want to up my blog readership.

With that in mind, I have three requests.

1. Tell yer friends!
2. Suggestions for the kinds of things you would like to see on the site.
3. Click a little link every once in a while.

With that in mind, put your suggestions in the comments below. They can be anything! Go crazy! I might just do it!

One of my potential ideas is a Shoe of the Day feature. And here is a picture of the shoes I'm wearing today, just as a carrot.

Love to you all,

Boo

XMas in NY OMG like Totes!

2009-12-01T11:07:00.005-05:00

Yessiree. And not with hot lesbian friend, who is apparently a celezbian, and can't pull herself away from the drama that comes with being a celezbian in Asheville.

EVEN BETTER.

With my newly yoga-addicted former roomie/anagram junkie and acupunk extraordinare, the Zen Materialist!!!! :)

Ice skating at Rockerfeller on Christmas eve, anyone????

Boo's Nuggets of Wisdumb

2009-11-30T13:43:00.001-05:00

Sometimes, the difference between a happy life and a sad life is the choice of how you see it. Sometimes, it is the pleasure with which you take a shit.

Boo's Top Five: Awesome Things About Today!!

2009-11-25T10:26:00.009-05:00

5. It's the day before Thanksgiving. And I'm starving!

4. I get off work at 2:00pm for drinks with some of my favorite people!

3. There was an inchworm on my shoulder this morning!

2. I'm revisiting my late 90's music collection. Oh Natalie Merchant, how I love to sing along with you!

1. I love exclamation points!

Austin, We have an Issue.

2009-11-24T16:03:00.004-05:00

I consider myself a normal, healthy woman in her almost-prime. (I'll be 30 on my next.) Now, the way I understand it, most normal healthy women start to hit their sexual peak somewhere in their mid to late 30s.

As of the last couple of months, I have thought of almost nothing but sex. I used to think about it a lot before that, but now I think about it CONSTANTLY. In fact, it is becoming difficult to function because I am being bombarded by blistering blasts of bedlust. I can't concentrate on even the simplest things. I get turned on by the most innocent things. Like taking a turn too fast on the road. Or watching someone--that I'm not even ATTRACTED to--stretch. And things are going downhill rather quickly.

Austin, we have an issue.

This isn't an issue of not getting any. I am getting any. I'm getting GOOD any. And compared to my last relationship, and many before that, I'm getting a lotta good any. So I have to wonder: Is my getting any directly contributing to the Katrina-like flooding I'm currently experiencing in my downtown highrise?

I'm sure the answer is: Yes, a little.

But GOD: I have TEN MORE YEARS of this?????

FUCK.

Oh fuck. I said "fuck".

Now I'm "on" again.

CHRIST.

Hmm. I bet he was good at it.

DAMMIT!

Boo's Nuggets of Wisdumb

2009-11-24T13:43:00.004-05:00

Sometimes, all you need to do to change your perspective is to get a new chair.

It also makes you get off your ass.

Photo Love: Dog Loves Cheese

2009-11-20T15:58:00.007-05:00

Don't worry, I didn't tease her with it all day. I did eventually give it to her.

After I laughed and laughed and laughed! Mercy!

The Bitch Files: Boo's Bitch of the Day

2009-11-19T12:54:00.002-05:00

Paheeba!!

2009-11-18T10:12:00.005-05:00

PAHEEBA DAY!

Now go over there and click some ads!!

Saturday Night Jollies Follies

2009-11-16T18:15:00.009-05:00

The events I am about to relate really happened this past Saturday night.

I come home with my "friend". I have a backache from building a deck all day. I am in pain, but nothing serious. I am, however, in need of some serious, ahem, sexual healing.

"Friend" falls asleep. I am without relief. I begin to relieve myself, as was a habit during the last stages of my mostly sexless marriage.

Just as I'm reaching liftoff, "friend" wakes up (because apparently I was moaning), and asks me, "Are you ok? Do you need a doctor?"

I promptly lose my liftoff.

"What?" I ask.

"Do you need a doctor?"

...

"For my orgasm?"

"Oh. I thought you were in pain. Because of your back."

We laugh. Alot. And then we both relieve each other. Several times.

Boobs.

2009-11-12T16:46:00.003-05:00

Now that I have your attention: boobs.

This is the kind of science I can really get behind. And under. And on top of. And bouncy.

Thank You Note

2009-11-12T10:51:00.003-05:00

Geoff,

I'm happy my experiences have helped to put something into perspective for you. I constantly struggle with whether or not I should talk about my life on the internet, so I really appreciate your reaching out. It is good to know that I can be a friend to a stranger, at least for a moment in time. Keep on keepin' on, brother.

-Boo

Boo's Top Five: Things I Love Today

2009-11-11T10:52:00.005-05:00

5. Mastering the art of the Snooze.
I think I have finally found my sweet spot in the War on Waking (WoW). I usually set my alarm for about an hour before I know I should be out of bed (I know, I'm kind of a masochist in that way), and then I hit my alarm about 5 times before getting out of bed. That method was not making me a happy camper. Now, I still wake at the hour early mark, but then set my snooze for an hour of uninterrupted sleep. Result? Happy Morning Boo!

4. Rain boots.
Silly me, thinking hurricane season was over! But at least I got to break out my ubercute rain boots!

3. Sweet puppy kisses.
Yes, she has had a bad habit lately of eating my bread products, but I did say I wanted to eat less carbs, so maybe she is just looking out for me. However, the baguette buried under my pillow was a less-than-happy discovery. But then it made me laugh. So, win win, I guess.

2. Black Currant Probiotic juice [currently testing: Good Belly brand]
This stuff is SO MUCH better than trying to choke down a thick mess of kefir in the morning when I don't feel like eating anything, much less a thicker version of yogurt that takes five minutes to pour out of the damn container because is it SO THICK. On top of it NOT being kefir, it actually tastes like delicious, gourmet grape juice. Win win!

1. Mexican mocha from Izzy's.
A delicious hot mocha with cayenne pepper from my favorite coffee spot. Ahhhhhhh CAFFEINE.

F*ck Like a Rabbit

2009-11-09T16:25:00.003-05:00

First of all, I have two words for you: regrown penises.

Which brings me to a question.

Why rabbits? I mean, as far as I know, they aren't endangered and clearly don't have reproductive issues, thus the saying "fuck like a rabbit".

I don't know, couldn't they have tried to regrow another animal's penis? Maybe one that needs help, like the Giant Panda? Or a polar bear?

Oh, and on my feminist rant side: WTF! Science makes it easier for men to knock up women. When are they gonna make a penis that shoots blanks? What about MALE BIRTH CONTROL that doesn't involve clipping tubes?

Come AHN.

Tech Geek

2009-11-09T13:56:00.002-05:00

So, I have an iPhone. I love it (for the most part), but like the fickle, choosy betch I am, I'm looking for the next generation of younger, hipper, cooler, better.

On that note: Anyone getting a Droid?

Give me the lowdown please.

Photo Love: Fall in the Mountains

2009-10-30T14:58:00.008-04:00

A Chandler Bing Moment

2009-10-27T17:42:00.009-04:00

Can I ADD any more to my plate??

If you have been an avid reader of my fascinating life, then you may know that things have kinda been crazy for me over the last year. Let's reminisce.

Last year this time I was...

building a house
living in my mother's unfinished basement
about to be kicked out of said basement
supporting a serious alcohol habit
working on a short film
watching the mountains feel autumn from the top down
writing for a music blog
working a 9 to 5er that took more than 9 to 5
living a fabulously social life
blissfully oblivious to a crumbling marriage
(ok, fine, i was all too aware of said marriage)
watching a friend fade
not getting laid (and how callous is it that i put that after the "friend" item, eh?)

Good god, that was an Eeyore moment. Let's all pause to shake it off.

If you asked me then what my life would like now, my current experience would probably be the last thing I would guess. Now that I'm here, I can't imagine it happening any other way. Now, I'm...

single (wtf.)
renovating my new house (somewhat planned, but still: i'm crazy)
still working my 9 to 5er (but now with 20% more FREE!)
starting a new business (i know.)
trying desperately to write music (read: not writing music)
seeking to grow personally (i am a bad, evil person--dammit. fail.)
watching autumn from my home
trying to convince my sister to come move in with me so i don't have to get a "roommate"
attempting to de-stress my life
attempting to have more sex
traveling like crazy

Does life ever GET any less complicated?

Ear Candy: Classical Edition

2009-10-27T13:33:00.003-04:00

Gustav Holst, The Planets, Mars

This is my favorite piece from Holst's The Planets. It inevitably is compared to The Imperial March from Star Wars, but it was written first and is decidedly better (not to knock John Williams at all; I love his work).

Please to enjoy my ruling planet, Mars.

Ear Candy: Keane

2009-10-07T14:09:00.003-04:00

Keane, Hamburg Song

Project Enlightenment: Stinky Shit Piles

2009-10-05T11:23:00.005-04:00

This constant learning process can get really exhausting sometimes, especially when it feels like one is just wading through pile after pile of self-shit. Then, after trudging through a particularly stinky pile of shit, you have an epiphany. Suddenly, all that shit begins to make sense, and you can use it as fertilizer for personal growth.

I had a particularly stinky pile of shit this weekend, and after taking a step back from my snap reactions, listening to what the important people in my life had to say, and searching myself for what my truth was, I started to realize how important it was that I deal with this stink pile rather than wrinkling my nose and ignoring it.

I have to say, in the moment, cleaning up shit can really fucking suck. You might dry heave. You might get some on your hands. You might spread it around before you can completely clear it. But damn, once that shit is clean, it is clean and you can move on with your life.

Photo Love: My Favorite Little Tyke

2009-10-01T11:18:00.006-04:00

Ike!

NY. NY! NY!!!

2009-09-30T13:54:00.006-04:00

I have THREE trips to NY scheduled in the next three months. Yes, I am awesome.

Trip Number 1: Work work work. And then two days of NOT work! :) With my favorite gay man in the world. We might make out a little.

Trip Number 2: Special invitation from the CEO of my company for a retreat. So, work. But GOOD work. Maybe I'll get a fucking raise. (HAHAHAHA.) <--sarcasm

Trip Number 3: CHRISTMAS IN NY!!!!! I have decided I'm doing Christmas by myself this year. Just me, for myself. No family, no obligations, no lovers, no hangups. ME ME ME ME ME. And, although it will be a "for me" kind of holiday, I am taking a six day trip to my second favorite city with my first favorite lesbian. Hot lesbian. HOT. Like, THIS kind of HOT:

Maybe I'll be able to keep my hands to myself. MAYBE.

The Dead Weather

2009-09-28T22:27:00.003-04:00

Check out my Dead Weather review on TMITM. Tuesday, 9am.

Short. To the point.

...

2009-09-28T22:24:00.002-04:00

When I miss you, I look at your facebook profile. It helps, but it kinda hurts, too.

I'd Say You Make A Perfect Angel In the Snow

2009-09-24T22:46:00.006-04:00

Tell all my mourners
To mourn in red —
Cause there ain't no sense
In my bein' dead.

-Langston Hughes

One died too young.
One died too suddenly.
One seemed to linger on longer than necessary.
One wanted to linger, but lost their grip.
One wanted to die.
One didn't know whether they wanted to live or die, but decided.
One deserved what was coming to them.
One didn't.
One died when I was too young.
One floated away softly, peacefully.
One crashed through the barrier.
One smiled, and held my hand, and sighed, and died.
I carry them all.

Underboobage!

2009-09-22T09:41:00.003-04:00

Hey peeps: check out The Music is the Message for a sweet little bit on some of our favorite album covers.

NSFW.

-Boo

Yesterday Seems So Far Away

2009-09-21T12:57:00.003-04:00

I'm in the midst of feeling like I'm riding a janky carnival ride. The highs are good: I'm getting back to myself, opening up in a way that I haven't before, reconnecting with the most excellent people. But some days, it feels like the bolts are loose, and things could just shake apart.

This last week was shaky. Man, was it shaky. It made me really question my expectations about the elements in my life, and now I'm forced to reexamine what it is I want.

That is such a hard question. What IS it that I want?

It seems so easy to answer in general terms. Happiness. Simplicity. Success. Health.
But what about specifics? Where do I want to be? What do I want to do? Who do I want to do that with? Where do I see myself in five years?

My aunt asked me that question a few days ago--where I want to be in five years. I could only half smile and shake my head. Five years? Hell, I don't even know where I want to be in the next five minutes. And the disturbing part of that is, I don't really care.

I just have to put one foot in front of the other. Live in the moment. Try to accept that there are no accidents.

That is so hard for me. I want everything spelled out--preferably in a nice font--and ready for me to embrace it. Right now it is like reaching out to embrace a puff of smoke.

But, like my mom once said: Leap and the net shall appear.

Aiieeeee.

Ear Candy: Gossip

2009-09-04T15:43:00.002-04:00

GODDAYUM I love this fucking betch. She would be my best friend, if I could track her down long enough to enchant her with my enchantingness.

This is Gossip's Standing in the Way of Control

Be on the lookout for my upcoming love fest/culture investigation on Gossip at The Music is the Message. And just go check it out, because the writers there are eff bomb fucking awesome.

Kisses!

Boo

Sticks and Stones

2009-09-03T13:07:00.004-04:00

HA. Ha ha ha.

I just had to share this.

I just found out from a friend that my STBEx has been spreading vile rumors around about me. And man, is this a round-about way of finding out. Here's the path that this rumor took to reach my sweet little ears.

My friend's friend was in an airport and randomly met some guy that went to school with my STBEx. They struck up a conversation, and somehow my STBEx came up. This guy, whom I'm pretty sure I know (because it was when I was supporting STBEx while he was finishing an associates degree in woodworking, and that school is exceptionally small so I know all his classmates), says this: Yeah, his ex-wife. What a fucking whore.

Now, this comes as a surprise to me for several reasons. A) Me and STBEx agreed not to talk about our private shit to people not in our close circles. B) He probably hasn't seen this guy in months, but somehow the guy feels he has a right to say something like that to someone he just met. C) I think I know who the dude is, and if it is who I think, then the motherfucker was IN OUR WEDDING.

Wow. Just, wow.

Author's Note: When I heard this, I couldn't help but laugh. The friend who phoned me to tell me this was fucking furious, and clearly had not believed me when I told him that the STBEx had actually said such nasty things to my face over the years. This "whore" comment was so low on the radar of nasty shit in comparison that I can't HELP but laugh. That, and what the fuck am I really gonna do? Call him up and say, "DID YOU CALL ME A WHORE MOTHERFUCKER???" No. There is a piece of white trash in me that wants to do that, but I've outgrown giving in to my baser needs. Anyway, this just becomes more fodder for my Rage/Revenge album currently in the works. GTs.

2nd Author's Note: Also, what the fuck is his problem? He's the one that jumped into bed with someone after two weeks. AND he tried to get me to fuck him again while he was still living in my house when we were separated. AND! Last night I was nice and made him dinner--long story--and he tried to fuck me AGAIN!!!

Whore.

Ear Candy: Rasputina

2009-09-03T10:32:00.003-04:00

Here is an incredibly beautiful cover of Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here by one of my favorite bands, Rasputina.

Also, be on the lookout for new posts back on The Music is the Message, coming soon!

Weekendings

2009-08-24T11:55:00.003-04:00

I'm feeling resolution. I'm feeling rebirth. I'm feeling discovery. I'm feeling awake.

Soon-to-be-ex Mister Boo came over on Saturday. We went through boxes that haven't seen the light of day in over two years—two years ago, we packed up our lives, moved out of my first home, and began the journey of trying to build one for ourselves.

It is strange to see a life in boxes. I could clearly see all the places he and I had been with one another; we built a quaint, happy little life in some ways. That was really nice to revisit. And it was also really nice to reclaim what was mine from that quaint little life. I tried. I tried to live a small life. I thought that I could be happy with what I had, and learn to live without what I didn't.

Oh, how sorely I underestimated the power of "Me." My drive and determination and my energy, and my need for...well, my need for speed, really.

I read through one of my old journals last night, with a glass of red wine in hand. It was from the period of time right before I got together with my S-T-B Ex. It was full of desperation and self-denial. It was full of problems about an old boyfriend. The same kind of problems that resurfaced in my marriage. I could see the patterns, finally. I could see how I once again jumped into a relationship without thoroughly examining what I wanted from it; rather, I just expected that because I felt "love" and "friendship" and was having a good time, that these things would magically work themselves out.

This is why I think that getting married was the second best decision of my life. I would never have grown as much as I have without it. I have perspective. I have insight into myself. I'm uncovering things within myself that I have hidden for many long years—far longer than my marriage, or any other relationship-based milestone. I have been hiding from myself for a very long time, and I think I have found the key to rediscovering that self. That "Me."

Going through the storage boxes was not painful in the least. In fact, he and I rather enjoyed it. We reminisced over odd and awkward wedding gifts that never left their packaging. We told stories about photos. We laughed over old jokes and personal moments. It was very healing. It was very good closure. (I found an old tattoo design that I've wanted for a long time, and it still speaks to me. I'm going to get it done as soon as I can figure out my finances.)

I have reclaimed my physical life, and my emotional life is following suit.

Consistent Nudity (H/T Julie)

2009-08-20T14:58:00.002-04:00

There is something very refreshing about someone consistently seeing you naked. Especially when he talks about how hot you are every time it happens.

10 Feet Tall

2009-08-17T15:40:00.004-04:00

It is so strange, this feeling of release. I truly haven't felt this way in a long, long time. Years. I don't know how much that had to do with internal or external circumstance, really, but I do know that it feels like I'm finally breathing freely after a long time of holding my breath.

I feel myself unwinding. Unraveling in the most delicious way. I think that might have alarmed me once, but now I am yielding to the cravings of my heart, and my body, and my mind and I'm just starting to reignite the fire that has been smoldering for far too long.

There is inspiration peeking out of my consciousness that hasn't seen daylight. I have been dreaming so much that when I wake, I'm overwhelmed with images and sensations and impressions. Like things are trying to burst out of me, and my consciousness isn't allowing that to happen quite quickly enough. I feel full of life, and starting to get my pace back, and I feel huge. I feel larger than my physical self.

Apparently I've been doing a lot of talking in my sleep, too, and that hasn't happened in years either.

Hmm.

I am in TROUBLE

2009-08-13T15:32:00.002-04:00

I'm having sex.

Wait, let me rephrase that.

I'm having amazing sex.

Lots and lots of it.
With a friend.
That I may or may not be falling for.

Ugh.

What the HELL am I doing???

Two Rights is not a Logical Fallacy

2009-08-06T14:38:00.006-04:00

The second best decision I ever made in my life was to get married.
The first best decision I ever made was to get divorced.

This may seem contrary at best, but these two things have shaped me greatly—almost as much as burying two fathers. I have had the mirror held up to my face. I have looked deep into the dark thoughts of my own being. I have had to own up to my faults, my masks, my walls—all the things that I protected myself with. I don't think that I would have been able to do these things without the experience of marriage. Not even a long-term committed relationship would have done this for me. There is a level of...how can I say it...permanence, I guess, when it comes to being married. And for me, that was very necessary. I knew that I had to deal with myself in order to deal with my relationship. I learned this because I knew I had to.

Going through a divorce is strange. There is so much that still feels unresolved and up in the air. But maybe that isn't so strange. Very few things, at least in my life, come to a real resolution, despite my desperate attempts to reach some final conclusion.

I still stand by my first two statements. Because I now have a self-knowledge and understanding that no one can give me, and no one can take it away. I used to equate my husband with "home."
Now I know "home" was me all along.

I have some big plans, and I will hopefully unfold those shortly, when the time is right. Until then, just know that there are big things in the works, and you, my friends, will have a front row seat.

So Fresh and So Clean Clean

2009-07-24T11:32:00.002-04:00

Big changes in the coming weeks.

New bed.
New living situation.
New plans.
Big ideas.
Big moments.
A master closet all to myself.
A gorgeous house all to myself.
A gorgeous life -- all to myself.

I can afford to be a bit selfish for a while.

I feel like I can take a full breath again.

The Honest Truth

2009-07-23T11:05:00.003-04:00

"I knew who you were when I asked you to marry me...I knew you were complicated. Challenging."

I stand there silently, watching his face while he searches for the words.

"I thought I could handle you. But I couldn't even handle me handling you."

He looks so sad. My heart wrenches with the truth of it. It's probably the most honest, real thing he's ever said to me. I feel hot tears start to fall down my cheeks.

"I know."

Wait, WHAT?

2009-07-22T09:51:00.002-04:00

He's not seeing someone.

He's sleeping with her, though.

Apparently he's not ready for a relationship. I wish he had told me that five years ago.

But you know what he IS doing? Moving out.

Stress Dreams, Cont.

2009-07-21T13:08:00.004-04:00

A restless night last night, but full of intensely stressful dreams about my separated husband. We are still sharing a house, but he wasn't home last night, and I'm beginning to think he is seeing someone.

It's been a month.

What. The. Fuck.

Today has already been a challenge to not cry at work. I hate crying at work. And I've had to push it back all day long.

People Watching in the Airport

2009-07-13T16:28:00.003-04:00

4:28pm
WHOA freaky dude with the face tattoo. Freaky OLD dude with a face tattoo. What is that? (Puts glasses on for long-distance inspection).

OH MY GOD. It is a burning cross. I can't make out the letters beneath it, but three of them look like K's. Dear. Sweet. Lord.

4:31pm
Sitting in a bar, drinking better-than-piss-I-guess beer. Am only woman in bar. Weird.

Geez Subconscious. Give me a Freakin' Break.

2009-07-10T11:15:00.002-04:00

I had yet another sex dream about the soon to be ex Mister Boo last night. This is the third one in two weeks.

...

What the fuck, brain?

I'm Feeling Rough I'm Feeling Raw I'm in the Time of My Life

2009-07-07T13:44:00.007-04:00

The Good: Swimming in the lake. Fresh cherries and boiled peanuts. Long, lazy girl-talk on floats. Driving fast, with the wind blowing through my hair. Great music. Dancing like a maniac until I'm dripping with sweat and a smile that I can't shake. Laughing with my best friends. Sleeping in late. Real late. Fireworks from the ridge of a rooftop. Sparklers. Sitting at a bar, drinking a beer by myself. Getting hit on (???) five times in 10 minutes. Lazing around in my friend's beautiful home, reading magazines and talking shit.

The Bad: Saying goodbye to a friend. Safe travels, love. Visit often and repeat frequently.

Thanks, Captain Obvious.

2009-06-26T09:39:00.003-04:00

Sometimes my subconscious is like, soooo totally obvious. I mean, I really like those dreams I have where I wake up and say to myself, I say, "Self? What the eff was that?? What does that mean?? Am I secretly a man trapped in a woman's body??" And that bitchy self never answers.

But last night, my dreams were pretty see-through. One was about my soon to be separated from husband coming my (our old) room and saying, "Let's have sex one last time." Well, yeah, ok. Pretty clear. I'm terrified of being alone, not being sexually attractive, not having a partner I trust--all these things that have been building up in me with my so to be ex over a period of years. Great, subconscious. I get it. (Luckily in the dream, we almost did, and I then I came to my senses and refused because I knew it would set me back from all the progress I've made over the last week. Man, I am even rational in my DREAMS! Why couldn't I just have had the dream sex?)

The next dream was a group of people sleeping over at this really gorgeous man's killer house. We are all lounging around, someone was playing with my hair. Everyone was beautiful and sexy and sexual, even though there was no hanky panky. Ok, subconscious, again, I think I get it. This is my ideal. Awesome people attracted to me. Many awesome people. Sweet. (God, why couldn't I have had dream sex in THAT dream??? Sometimes my subconscious can be such a prude. Jeez.)

The next dream was about my extended family, and telling my grandparents--the ones that have been pushing me and soon to be ex to make a baby being--that we are getting divorced. Painful. And this dream was full of strangness. For starters, my grandfather was this king of carnival-type that was guessing people's weight, and he put me about 20 pounds over what I am. Harsh. And then my uncle was telling me he was getting divorced from my aunt, who happened to be his sister. I mean, we are Southern, but we ain't trash, ya know? And then my uncle started to sign his divorce papers and turned into my dad. Whoa. Subconscious, I get where you are going with this, but did you have to jumble it up so much? My father figures have disappeared from my life and now the only ones left are either hurting me or unstable.

Good grief. No, that should BAD grief. Bad grief! Bad! Go to your room!

This Raspberry's for YOU!

2009-06-24T14:49:00.002-04:00

This was my (admittedly crap) horoscope today:

"You can't make people do your bidding at the wave of a magic wand, no matter how much you might want to. They are still going to behave badly, act rudely, be tense or excitable. Just because they love you doesn't mean they are automatically always good to you."

Ha. Stupid horoscope. I already knew that one!! So HAAAAAAAAAA on you.

*tthhhbbptttt*

Already Dead

2009-06-22T14:24:00.003-04:00

I am barely holding it together at work today.

I was feeling better last Thursday--not great by any means, but I could actually say the words to my friends "my husband and I are separating" without breaking down. Then I had a slammed weekend full of distraction.

Now I'm back to a somewhat normal reality and I feel like the sky is crashing down on me. I'm being dragged to the center of the earth with a gravity so strong I can't even pretend to be alright. Every time someone asks me if I'm ok, I pretty much lose it. I am a fucking mess.

God, I hope it fucking gets better than this. I have pretty much had it with heartache and pain. I'm fucking sick of this. Sick of feeling so fucking lost and choked. I have a rotation of cold face packs to keep me from looking like a bloated corpse when I walk into work.

It has to get better. Right???

Love and Marriage

2009-06-19T11:05:00.003-04:00

My new favorite word is "amicable".

Maybe we have always been better friends than lovers; maybe we misconstrued a love of friendship and tried to force and one of a intimate more intimate nature. Whatever the case, I know we were in the other's life for a reason, and that we still care greatly for one another. The only thing important to both of us as we go through a separation is maintaining that friendship. He is my best friend—I don't want to lose that along with a husband.

If this had to happen, then this is the way I would want it: with love, compassion, and flexibility from both of us. I can't say that I'm not desperately sad, but I can say I haven't cried nearly as much in the last two days.

I can get through this. Small steps.

This is the End, My Friend

2009-06-17T10:35:00.003-04:00

Well, now that it is actually upon me, I can't believe I never saw it.

I always thought that the problems between me and my husband weren't because of a lack of love. Now I see that that was the only problem.

I am terribly, terribly sad.

All Apologies

2009-06-12T11:54:00.004-04:00

Ahem:

If you are going to make an apology, it should probably be one--if not ALL--of the following three things in order to be worthy of consideration.

1. Gentle.

2. Spoken in a normal tone of voice.

3. Sincere.

*Glares at husband*

Jose Can't-seco

2009-05-26T15:16:00.006-04:00

Is there any doubt that this would be the result of Jose Canseco's odd career change to MMA fighting? Granted, a 7 foot 2 inch Korean opponent could intimidate anyone, but seriously...did he think he could win, even if he wasn't fighting a giant??

I mean, he couldn't even win a celebrity boxing match. Against Danny "Tiny T-Rex Arms" Bonaduce.

*At least he and Danny had a chance to trade recipes for counteracting the ball-shrinking effects of being douchebags. So there's your silver lining.

Heart Space

2009-05-13T23:41:00.006-04:00

I. Feel. GOOD.

Cross my heart, this is neither drug or alcohol-induced. Pinky swear.

Yesterday was a huge turning point for me, and I'm riding high on that crest of energy. Tonight, I had the most lovely dinner with one of the most lovely women I know. We drank wine, ate mussels and pomme frites, and discussed all the beauties and terrors of life. It was wonderful to connect and ground myself in the presence of such a special person. I'm lucky in the way I've surrounded myself with wonderfully intelligent, kind, and loving people. I don't always deserve these beautiful people, but today I am the person that deserves them. I am feeling close to my true self again, after a very long time.

Now I'm home, enjoying a beautifully clean house, and anticipating a visit from my baby sister tomorrow, whom I haven't seen since Thanksgiving. My relationship with my husband is so much better, my brother and I are like best friends, and I'm starting to clearly see why those people are so important to me. It has a lot more to do with their acceptance of me and less of my obsessive effort to love them. What a life lesson that has been: I can't make people love me. If they love me, they love me whether I want them to or not.

So many things in my life are starting to come full circle, and now I finally have the mental flexibility and the heart space to accommodate all the things I want to let in.

A Girl Named Boo

Feminist Quote of the Day

"I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman."~Anaïs Nin

Hot. Seriously Hot.

Name the Only American Minority Group that Actually Constitutes the Majority of the Population!

Operation: Combating Bitterness part deux

Operation: Combating Bitterness

Iron Heart

As I said before: UM.

My New Favorite Thing

A Hatbox

Just a 3/4 thought

The Blogging Conundrum

Happy Friday: This Party Just Took a Turn for the Douche

Self-Protection Mode: People Pleaser/Hand Biter

Cohabitation.

TMI Time: Tampons.

Boo's Top Five: Fabulous Female TV Characters

One for the Ladies: Amber Heard is the Hottest Lesbian in Tinseltown

TSA Scanners, Privacy Infringement, and Physical Abuse

Monster Named Boo

Happy Fu*king 50th!

Eff Bomb Fridays: Florence and The Fu*king Machine

Just in Time for Winter.

Strong and Beautiful (and Exploited?): Female Athletes on Magazine Covers

Woman as Artist

Rebekka Guðleifsdóttir.

Living Bi in a Straight World

Boo on Facebook!

It Gets Better!

Asheville 48 Hour Film Fest: "Chariots of Choir"

And Now It's September

I KNOW...

WE ARE...

I AM...

I AM...

I AM...

I AM...

I AM...

I AM...

I AM...

When In Doubt: PreGame!

"30 soon" Shoes

WHOA. Hidden Dangers.

thirty-something.

Boo's Top Five: Dislikes of Today

Vagina.

Boo's Nuggets of Wisdumb

Blue Full Lunar Recluse

I Can Haz SPACE MAAAAADNESS!??!?!?

Photo Love: Wild Boo Corner

After Sunset, Before Sunrise

Boo's Nuggets of Wisdumb

A Tuppence Sir?

XMas in NY OMG like Totes!

Boo's Nuggets of Wisdumb

Boo's Top Five: Awesome Things About Today!!

Austin, We have an Issue.

Boo's Nuggets of Wisdumb

Photo Love: Dog Loves Cheese

The Bitch Files: Boo's Bitch of the Day

Paheeba!!

Saturday Night Jollies Follies

Boobs.

Thank You Note

Boo's Top Five: Things I Love Today

F*ck Like a Rabbit

Tech Geek

Photo Love: Fall in the Mountains

A Chandler Bing Moment

Ear Candy: Classical Edition

Ear Candy: Keane

Project Enlightenment: Stinky Shit Piles

Photo Love: My Favorite Little Tyke

NY. NY! NY!!!

The Dead Weather

...

I'd Say You Make A Perfect Angel In the Snow

Underboobage!

Yesterday Seems So Far Away

"I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman."
~Anaïs Nin